


The Return

by LucilleFuhrArt



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ajan Kloss, Alternate Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Order, Fluff, Force Bond, Good Boy Armitage Hux, Good Boy Ben Solo, Jakku, Millicent the cat - Freeform, Original Characters - Freeform, Pasaana, Pregnancy, Redemption, The resistance is a family, alternate TROS ending, gingerrose subplot, pregnancy loss, stormpilot subplot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:40:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucilleFuhrArt/pseuds/LucilleFuhrArt
Summary: How TROS should have ended. A Rise of Skywalker re-write.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 21
Kudos: 164
Collections: The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello folks this is my post-TROS depression fic. I wasn’t planning on posting this but then my friend encouraged me to so here I am. If you guys like it please leave a comment and I might add some more chapters.
> 
> Decided to add more chapters!! Enjoy!

A moment earlier she'd been dead. She'd been surrounded by cold and darkness and nothing. But then light began to bloom in her mind, and suddenly she was breathing again. She was enveloped with warmth.

The first thing she did, before even opening her eyes, was to reach for Ben's hand. He propped her up some more so that she was eye level with him when she did open her eyes.

Relief washed over Ben, and Rey could see it in his eyes, and feel it through their bond.

"Ben," she smiled at him, her fingers stroked the side of his face and ran through his wet hair.

A smile grew on his face at the sound of his birth name. The name he'd chosen.

Rey couldn't stop herself from kissing him, and Ben felt the same. Their lips met and when they did peace seemed to flow through the entire galaxy.

But they broke away when Rey felt something shift. He was fading.

"Ben?" Rey said.

The smile faded from his face as he fell back and hit the ground.

"No!" Rey cried out, hunching over him, "Ben!"

She pressed both of her hands firmly to his chest and pushed her life force to him. There was no way for one of them to exist without the other. They were the balance brought to the force, and without either of them no peace would remain.

Although his body was still lifeless, Rey felt Ben reaching out to her through their bond.

"Rey, let me go," his voice rang in her mind.

"No," she replied out loud, "I will not let you die like this."

She pushed as much energy as she could to him, but still he would not wake.

"Please!" Rey shouted to the sky above her, "Help me! You gave your lives for him! Make it worth something!"

She collapsed onto his chest, still pushing everything she had at him. But his heart refused to beat.

"Rey," a familiar voice called, and her head shot up to see the force ghost of her Master Organa.

"Leia, please!" Rey begged between sobs. "I need him back."

"I know," she said, approaching the two, "me, Luke, and Han. We have our lives for him once. We'd do it again. But you have to promise me one thing."

"Anything, Leia, please."

"You'll let him face the consequences. It will be hard, knowing what you know, and seeing what he's sacrificed for the light. But there will be people who are still angry with him. He needs to accept those consequences, and seek forgiveness where he can."

"I promise, Master Organa. I promise. I will be by his side no matter what happens."

Leia smiled at her. She crouched down on the ground next to the two and placed her glowing blue hand on Ben's chest. In an instant he was gasping for breath.

Rey pulled him into her arms and began to sob again. She was so distracted by him that she didn't notice Leia's disappearance.

"Ben, Ben, Ben," she repeated over and over again as she sobbed into his hair and clung to him as if he were her life.

"Rey," he said, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing.

"We have to get out of here," he said.

Ben pried himself out of her grasp and looked her in the eyes again. He couldn't stop the smile from blossoming on his face and she was quick to follow. Their lips met again, this time with more strength and passion than before.

When they finally broke away Ben was the first to say, "I'm never going to let you go ever again."

"We have to go," Rey said to him.

Together they stood, never letting go of one another. Both because they needed support due to their injuries, and because they weren't capable of separating themselves. They carried each other back to Luke's ship and piled in the confined space together, deciding that it would be safer to fly together even though it might be a tight fit.

Rey was the one to pilot them back to the resistance base. In the time it took them they barely said a word to each other. Too much was running through their minds to be able to process a conversation. But when Rey finally landed among the crowd of cheering rebels she had to talk to him.

He looked up at her with anxiety written on his face.

"They're going to hate me," he said.

"I will be with you," Rey told him, "if they won't accept you then they won't have me either."

A smile flickered across Ben's face but it faded. He was still anxious about the crowd's reaction to his redemption. It was redemption enough for Rey, but would it be for everyone else?

"Come on, we can do this," Rey said, and took his hand.

Rey opened up the ship and climbed down the ladder to the ground. It wasn't long before the crowd fell silent at the sight of the disheveled Ben Solo climbing out of the ship after her.

When she looked around at the crowd around her, half had their blasters raised and the other half looked ready to flee at any second.

Ben stepped on the ground behind her and stayed at her side.

"Kylo Ren is dead," Rey announced to the crowd, "Ben Solo lives."

The reaction of the crowd did not change.

"I understand that there is hostility towards him. The truth is that Ben Solo is part of the reason we won this war. Without him I would not be here. If not for him I would still be dead."

"What do you mean by 'still be dead'?"

Rey turned to see her friends, Finn and Poe. Poe stood with a blaster pointed directly at Ben's head.

Rey moved to approach them, blocking Poe's line of fire. She knew that if anyone were to shoot first it would be him.

"I died on Exagol. I died fighting Palpatine," Rey explained, tears welling up in her eyes, "I used all of my life force to kill him and then I had nothing left. I died," she turned to Ben, "He sacrificed his life force to bring me back. And then the Jedi of the past, Leia, helped me revive him."

Rey turned back to her friends and the crowd, "if you wish to kill him you'll have to kill me too. Kylo Ren is gone. The life force that was him is inside me now. Your General gave her life force to bring Ben home," tears began to spill down her face. "If she were here she would tell you that."

"If you want to kill Kylo Ren, you will have to kill me," Rey said as she wiped the tears from her face and tried to remain strong.

"Rey-" Ben tried to interject.

"No!" Rey cut him off with a yell, "I had to live without you for a minute, and it was worse than living 19 years alone on Jakku," the tears came again, harder this time. She turned her back to the crowd and faced Ben, "I won't live without you again."

Ben leaned forward and put his hands on either side of her face, he wiped away her tears with his thumbs, "you won't. I won't let you. I'm not going anywhere, okay?

Keeping one arm around Rey, Ben turned to the crowd.

"Rey is right. Everything she said is true. I will take whatever punishments or consequences you have for me. If you want me to go I will go. But I would be grateful for a chance to redeem myself for you."

Rose was the first to step forward.

"If Rey trusts you then I trust you. You have a lot to do to redeem yourself, but I'm willing to give you that chance."

"Me too," Finn stepped forward.

One by one members of the resistance began to lower their weapons and step forward to accept Ben Solo. Rey's heart was overflowing with gratitude and love.

Poe was the last to lower his blaster.

"I don't know about this, Rey," he said as he approached her, "he tortured me. He tortured you!"

"He didn't, Poe. He has never hurt me," Rey explained.

"It's just-" Poe started.

That's when Ben stepped forward, "I know that there's nothing that I can say to undo what I did to you. No matter how many times I apologize. But I am sorry. And if everyone else here is willing to forgive me except for you then I will leave. I know how much you've done for the resistance, and how much you meant to my mother after I left. You have all of my respect. My situation is entirely up to you."

Poe stared at him in silence for a moment, then looked down at Rey, then back up at Ben.

"You are welcome here, as long as you follow all of my rules and I am deciding what your consequences will be."

A smiler bloomed on Rey's face and she looked up at Ben like a giddy child.

"Rey will be in charge of watching over you. If it weren't for you I'd have you executed on the spot. Don't make me change my mind," Poe told him. He looked back down at Rey, "I hope you know what you're doing, Rey."

Rey lunged at Poe and wrapped him in her arms.

"Thank you, Poe. I promise this will all be okay."

She let go of Poe and turned to Ben, who was giving her the same toothy smile he had after they'd kissed the first time. She kissed him again, and he wrapped his arms around her so tight that she swore he'd never let her go.

Despite all of the work her and Ben would have to do to prove himself to the resistance, Rey finally felt like she was home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful comments on that last chapter. I’m happy to be able to continue it and explore what’s going to happen next.

"We found an empty room for him," Poe told Rey.

After the Resistance had accepted Ben's return, Poe had insisted on cuffing Ben and leaving him under Rey's supervision until a space for him was prepared. For the past few hours the two of them had sat in a space well out in the open for everyone to see them, while Poe and a few others worked out his arrangements.

"We have a few people who are going home right away so thankfully there's space on our primary housing ship," Poe explained, "Rey, I'm going to ask you to stay with him during the night."

"Then why not just use my chambers?" She asked.

"We want him without access to anything potentially dangerous. I'm not sure how many lightsabers you have in your room-"

"That's not how that works."

"-But I figured I'd allow you to keep your privacy so we don't have to go through everything."

"Thank you," Rey said.

"I'll walk you to it now," Poe said, "I want to talk to you alone."

"Okay," Rey said, extending her hand to Ben and taking him by the elbow as he stood up and began walking with the two of them, "What other arrangements have you made?"

"He's going to have a curfew," Poe began, "he needs to be in his room by dark and stay there until light, and must be supervised wherever and whenever he is. He can never be alone. He has no decision making power. Everything he does has to be approved by someone. Everyone has authority over him, if anyone asks him to do anything he has to do it."

"That's-" Ben began to interject but Rey shut him up quickly with a glare.

"The comfort of these people is my priority. If someone asks him to please go away then he will listen," Poe told her, as they climbed onto the ship that was used for the majority of the resistance team's rooms.

"Of course," Rey said, "I will be his primary supervisor."

"No offence," Poe started to say, "I trust you. But I also think you may be more forgiving than others. So Finn should always be aware of your whereabouts."

"Poe, you know I wouldn't-"

"I know, I know," Poe said, "But you have been known to be impulsive."

"He has a point," Ben added, but was silenced by another glare from Rey.

"I just want to be cautious," Poe explained.

"I guess I can understand that, but you do have to trust me."

"I do. You'll still be primarily in charge of his supervision. Trust me, if I didn't trust you he wouldn't even be here right now."

"Here we are," Poe said as he stopped in front of one of the many identical doors in the long hall. Exactly 4 doors down from Rey's own room.

He pushed open the door and gestured for Ben to go inside. As soon as Ben stepped in Poe closed the door in order to speak privately with Rey.

"What's your plan?" Poe asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, a lot of people are packing up and going home. Back to their home planets and families. I'm just wondering what your plan is for that."

"I don't have a family," Rey said, she had never considered where she would go after the war was over, "I don't have anywhere to go."

"You're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like," Poe said, "I'm the General now, and I'll be here until everyone finds their way home. I've already spoken to Finn and he's doing the same."

"Then I'll do the same too," Rey said, "Until I figure out where to go."

"Okay," Poe leaned in to hug her, "Even after all this is over you're always welcome to stay with me."

"Thank you."

"Kylo is another story," he said as he let her go.

"I'm sure we'll figure that out," Rey smiled at him.

"Well I've gotta go," Poe said, "Finn will be back to check on you in a bit. Use your pager if you need anything."

Rey watched Poe walk down the hall and leave the ship. She was left with a hollowed out feeling as he left. She had never considered where she'd go after the war was over. Her life had become the war, and now that her training was over and Leia was gone Rey felt that she truly had no place to be. She would be happy with Finn and Poe for the next few weeks, but having Ben with her complicated things.

She thought back to when she’d kissed Ben in front of the Resistance for the first time. There had been shock written all over Finn and Poe’s faces. Rose had looked happy for her, but Rey wondered if Finn and Poe would’ve said yes if they’d known that she wanted to be with Ben. Poe seemed to be handling it okay since then, but Finn has disappeared immediately after the kiss and she hadn’t seen him since. It couldn’t have made him comfortable.

Rey shook off those thoughts, deciding to deal with them later and enjoy her time with Ben in the meantime. 

She twisted the handle and entered Ben's new room. It truly was stripped bare. All that remained was one mattress on the floor with two pillows covered with one sheet. Apparently Poe didn't trust Ben with so much as a box spring, and Rey could hardly blame him.

Ben was standing in the middle of the room, looking over at her with his puppy dog eyes that only Ben Solo could give her.

With a flick of her fingers the handcuffs were on the ground and Ben's wrists were free. He rubbed them gently as he walked over to her.

"Only one mattress, huh?" He pointed out.

"We can ask for another," Rey told him, having not even thought of the issue until Ben pointed it out.

"I'm okay sleeping in the same bed if you are," he said.

"Um-" Rey started, unsure of how to respond. She'd never slept anywhere near anyone else before.

"Don't stress about it," he told her, "You make the decision, I won't be upset either way. I can always sleep on the floor."

Rey sat down on the mattress and took off her shoes. She'd only just realized how much of a mess her outfit had become. She quickly stripped off her tabards and belt before collapsing back on the bed. Ben slowly sat down beside her.

"What now?" He asked.

"I don't know," Rey replied, "Everything before was training and preparing, but now there's nothing to prepare for."

"What did Poe want to talk to you about?"

Rey let out a deep sigh, "Where I'm going after this. I don't have anywhere to go."

Ben laid himself down parallel to Rey, "Me neither."

"At least we're lost together."

"Maybe," Ben started, letting his hand drift towards hers, "if we're together," his fingers gently grazed hers, "we're not lost at all."

Rey looked over at him, smiled and took his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience with this update!! I’ve been working really hard on a comic collaboration with @kyloreycosplay about Ben Solo after the events of TROS. If you wanna see it as soon as it’s available (hopefully soon) it’ll be posted on https://the-rise-of-ben-solo.tumblr.com/ and there will be a preview up on Sunday night!! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy this chapter!!

Rey woke up with Ben's arms wrapped around her. She didn't remember falling asleep next to him. Regardless, she snuggled up closer to him, nuzzling her face into his chest. He was warm, and Rey didn't want to emerge into the cold morning air just yet.

~*~*~*~*~

Ben woke up to the feeling of Rey nuzzling deeper into his chest. His heart seemed to hammer against his ribs as he remembered how they'd fallen asleep. His arms were still around her, and she was still snuggled up against him, it hadn't been a dream.

It hadn't really been a decision for them to sleep next to each other. Ben had taken her hand the night before, and they'd talked for what felt like hours, gradually inching closer and closer until they were tangled with each other. Then they'd fallen asleep.

He had to look down at her, just to be sure. From his angle all he could see was the top of her head pressed against him, but with his arms around her he could feel the soft rise and fall of her ribs as she breathed. She was alive, and so was he.

His memories drifted back to just the day before.

Palpatine had sucked the life force of his and Rey's bond, and then thrown him into the dark pit at just a flick of wrist. He remembered the crack in his body as he hit rock on his way down - and Ben made a mental note to see a doctor. He hadn't given himself time to suffer and be in pain. He landed on the ground, then stood back up and started climbing, despite the painful objections from his body.

Somewhere along his climb up he'd felt Rey die. There had been nothing, and then an overwhelming loss. Like someone had reached down and scooped his heart out of his chest. He'd been abused, manipulated, and scarred, but nothing felt like the loss of Rey's life from the force. It suddenly felt like he was scaling the wall with just one hand. Tears blurred his vision as he kept reaching out for the next thing to grip, and to pull himself up. It had no longer been just his body objecting his climb but his mind and soul as well. But he'd reached the top in the end.

He'd thought the walk to her was what was going to stop him in the end. Somehow his body had been able to handle the climb but as he made his way over to her he kept collapsing in pain. His body was giving up on him. But he couldn't stop. She could've disappeared and become one with the force any second, and he had to be there before that happened. 

Finally he'd made it to her, the journey had felt like a century but he was with her. Ben took her into his arms and wrapped her in a hug. He knew what he had to do, but he didn't know if it would work. If it did, he didn't know how much time he'd have with her. So he embraced her, possibly for the last time.

Ben sat up and planted a firm hand on her stomach. He fought against tears but couldn't hold them back. With her in his arms the feeling of absence in the force was replaced with pain. This was the woman who'd inspired him to be good. She was the only person in the galaxy, in his whole life, who'd made him feel valid as he was. Without her he had no family and no friends and no place, without her had nothing. But she laid in front of him with her eyes glossed over and her skin the colour of chalk. He had to stop himself from shaking.

Ben closed his eyes to help him focus, and to distract from the overwhelming emotions he was feeling. Force healing was not something he'd done often, maybe once or twice. Force healing from dead was something new altogether.

Slowly he felt himself being drained of energy. He felt himself dying as he pushed his life force into her.

Then he felt her hand on his. He felt her stomach rise as she took her first breath. His eyes shot open to see Rey. Her skin the normal colour, and her eyes full of life and emotion. He couldn't hold back his smile.

She sat up in his arms and smiled at him.

"Ben," she'd said.

He stared at her, and took in every detail that he could. He knew he was going to die and wasn't sure how much time he'd had left. When he passed on and became one with the force he wanted to remember the moment. He wanted to remember the overwhelming feelings of love he felt for her.

Then she'd kissed him, and his whole world stopped. Suddenly it didn't matter that he was dying. All that mattered was that she was there, alive, with him, in his arms, and she loved him back. He'd almost forgotten about the situation he was in.

When they broke away he felt happier than he ever had before. All of the misery was gone. The voices in his head were gone. He was at peace.

But then he faded. It happened fast. He was happy, and then he was gone.

Thinking back on the memory came with anxiety. He squeezed Rey slightly closer, being careful not to wake her. He had to remind himself over and over that she was alive. That they were both alive, and safe. Even if the Resistance rejected him, they were both alive and Palpatine was gone.

He felt her shift in his arms and his heart fluttered again. Ben was sure that every time she showed any sign of life would bring him a weird sense of relief for the next little while. Until he'd recovered from Exegol at least.

Ben could tell she was awake when she stretched out her legs and began to squirm in his arms.

"Hey," he said.

She looked up at him and their faces were inches apart. He took in every detail on her face like it was the last time he would see it. All of her freckles and the crinkled indents on her face from where she'd slept on the folds of his sweater.

"Good morning," she smiled, "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," he told her, "I think I should probably see a doctor."

"We both should. I don't think any of the Resistance doctors will have left yet.

Rey reached out to the floor beside their mattress bed, grabbed her pager, and began to press a few buttons.

"What are you doing?" Ben asked.

"Calling Finn," she told him, "I have to get a change of clothes and I'm not allowed to leave you here alone."

"I can't come with you?" He asked, giving her his best Porg eyes.

"You can't watch me get changed," she laughed.

Just then there was a knock at the door, and Rey jumped out of bed to answer it.

"Rey," FN-2187 said as soon as she opened the door. Ben reminded himself that he needed to refer to Rey's friend by his name: Finn.

Finn stepped into the room and looked down at where Ben was laying in bed. He put a protective hand on Rey's arm as if to shield her from Ben. He felt a wave of guilt at that small gesture.

"I need you to watch Ben while I get a change of clothes," Rey told him.

He looked up into Rey's eyes and said, "And everything is fine?" 

"Yes, Finn, everything is fine. Ben is fine. You are fine, right, Ben?"

"I'm fine," Ben said, trying to give Finn his best friendly face.

"Okay," Finn sighed, and Rey left the room, closing the door behind her.

"How are you?" Ben asked after a long moment of awkward silence.

"If you hurt Rey I'll kill you," Finn shot back.

"Okay, well I don't plan on hurting Rey. Ever."

"I said yes to you coming back here because it's what Rey wanted. Maybe someday I'll be able to trust you, but I don't right now. Rey is my best friend and if anything happens to her you will be dealing with me."

"I-"

"Poe has put Rey in charge of your supervision but I will always be around the corner. If you lay a finger on her I will blast you."

Ben sat in stunned silence for a moment before replying, "I'm sorry that you can't trust me, and I understand why. I do want to prove myself to you, not just because you're Rey's good friend. You did what I wasn't able to do. You left the First Order. I admire that. If I hurt Rey, you have full permission to blast me, but I won't. And she'll probably blast me first." 

"You won't get to me through flattery," Finn said, "But you're right. Rey would kill you before I had the chance to grab my blaster."

Ben smiled, and laid back down on the bed facing the ceiling. He dared not close his eyes, just in case Finn did decide to blast him, but he let his thoughts wander.

Rey came back much later than Ben had anticipated. She appeared in the room in a clean set of clothes with her hair wet and down out of her usual buns, the same as when she'd come to him on Snoke's ship. Her outfit reminded him of a cross between the one he'd met her in, and the one she'd been wearing the night before. She kept her white hooded shirt, but her white body wraps were replaced with very light grey ones. Her pants were a darker grey with the same resistance design as he'd seen on her before, and her obi matched their shade. Her arm wraps, Ben instantly recognized them to be the same as when he'd first met her. Her belt, holster, and wrist brace were the same as they'd always been, but the cuff she'd had one her arm - the one that covered the scar on her upper arm - was gone. He could see it clearly and noticed that it was sill red and swollen. Almost as much as the day he'd last seen it over a year ago.

"I like your hair," Ben said as she came into the room.

"Thank you," she said with a beaming smile on her face, "What's the plan for today, Finn?"

"Poe is having Rose and a few others do some scans just to make sure there's no remaining Star Destroyers anywhere in the area. We also want to clear out anyone who has homes and families to go back to so we can make room for people who have no place to go."

"Okay, what can we do to help?"

"Uh, just make sure you're okay. You've been through a lot."

"I think me and Ben will get checked out by a doctor today. Thanks."

Finn took one last suspicious look at Ben before leaving the room at Rey's dismissal, closing - almost slamming - the door behind him.

"I don't think he likes me very much," Ben commented.

"He'll grow to like you," Rey told him, "I think everyone's just on edge right now."

Rey stood in front of him with her new clothes and her new hair, and Ben could do nothing but stare up at her in admiration. His heart felt overwhelmed with warmth, and he thanked all of the stars that he no longer had to be without her.

She reached out to him and stroked her fingers along his face where his scar used to be. He leaned into her touch and never broke her gaze. They stared into each other, and Ben felt like he was looking into a mirror, into his other half and best friend.

Her fingers trailed up the side of his face and ran through his hair. A smile erupted on her face.

"Your hair is greasy," she told him.

He took her hand in his and pressed her palm to her face, "I know."

"You need to wash before we see the doctors."

"Are you going to help me?" Ben smiled at her.

"I'll help you find the showers," Rey smiled back at him. She took his hand in hers and led him out of the room.

Rey led him to the end of the hall and pushed open the only door that wasn't identical to the others. Inside the air was warm and heavy. They turned down a short hall before coming to the main room. It was big. The size of several of his and Rey's rooms. Along the wall were a line of shower stalls, a few of which were occupied. To the left of the row of showers was one big industrial sink with a long mirror overtop. To the right were several stalls for toilets, and in the middle of the room were a few rows of benches. Against the wall that they'd entered were stacks of clean towels on one table, a bin of dirty ones right next to it, and a few large washing machines. It had been a while since Ben had done his own laundry.

"Is this where everyone bathes?" Ben asked.

"Everyone who lives on this ship," Rey explained.

"There's no separation for men, women, or other genders?"

"No. Everyone is respectful here, and a lot of us are just grateful to have a place to clean ourselves. If it makes you nervous the shower and toilet doors lock."

Rey turned around and grabbed one white towel from the stack.

"You can take your clothes off and hand them to me under the door and I'll wash them for you," Rey told him.

Ben nodded in agreement.

~*~*~*~*~

Rey sat on one of the benches in the large washroom with her hands knotted together in her lap. She'd put Ben's clothes in the washer and was waiting on him to finish. Her right leg bounced up and down with anxiety.

Everything was going well so far. She felt good with Ben. She felt safe and whole. Her anxiety came from those around them. Finn hadn't even pretended to be friendly around Ben, not even when she ensured him that everything was fine. The Resistance was her home, and Finn one of her best friends. She wasn't sure what she'd do if they were to make her choose between them or Ben. Of course the Resistance had done more for her, but Ben was her other half. They were a dyad. She wasn't sure if they were capable of living without each other.

"Rey?"

"Yes?" Rey jumped to her feet at the sound of Ben's voice.

"Can you hand me my clothes?"

Rey turned to the washing machine behind her, which was still on the last stage of its cycle.

"Uh, they're not done yet."

"Oh."

"Just wrap your towel around... or something," Rey's face lit up with heat and she bit her lip. She wasn't used to this part of relationships with people, and wasn't sure how to go about awkward situations like these.

"Okay," the lock of his stall clicked and the door opened. Ben stepped out with the white towel wrapped loosely around his hips, one hand holding it in place.

Rey was brought back to their force bond on Ach-To. When they'd connected at an awkward moment where he'd been without a shirt in his quarters. Rey's eyes quickly adverted themselves and her cheeks grew hot again.

Ben walked up until he was standing in front of her, his towel seemed to be right in her face even though he was still a few feet away from her. Rey's face felt hotter and hotter by the second, and she kept her eyes away as she covered her pink cheeks with her hands to hide the embarrassment. Despite her efforts her eyes kept threatening to betray her, before eventually she succumbed and snuck a look at his bare chest. Her eyes scanned him quickly before she met his eyes. But she noticed something as she scanned him, and she had to look back down at him to double check.

Her hands left her cheeks and reached out for the scar on his abdomen, all embarrassment forgotten. It was big, and all that remained was the white outline in the shape of a spider's web. His skin was hot and wet under her fingers, and at the feeling she came to her senses.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she quickly removed her hands from his body and curled them in her lap.

"No, it's okay," Ben said, running his own hand over the memory of the injury.

"Was that me?" Rey asked.

"No," Ben told her, "You got me in the chest. The scar is gone. This is from Chewie's Bowcaster. From the night I killed my dad."

The word dad sounded strange coming out of Ben's mouth. It was human and vulnerable.

"Oh," she let her eyes wander over the scar again. She recognized and remembered it after the clarification.

"When I healed you I fixed the scar on your face. I thought I'd healed everything."

"You made it a lot better," Ben admitted, "it was really red before," as he spoke Rey reached out to feel the thin white lines on his skin again, "They were red before."

Rey let her delicate fingers trace over the scar. She thought about healing it right then and there, but Force healing took up so much of her energy. Energy that she didn't have to spare.

She bit her lower lip and looked up at where he was standing above her. He stared down at her with his mouth agape and his eyes soft. She stared at his pink lips and thought about what would happen if they touched. When they'd kissed the day before it had been passionate and in the moment. She hadn't had time to take it in and appreciate the kisses, but she missed his lips. Rey wanted to feel them again against hers. She wanted to take the time to memorize their feeling. Slowly her hand trailed up his chest from his scar and-

The door slammed open and Rey jumped to her feet. She turned around to see Kaydel walking into the room and picking up a clean towel.

"Hey, Rey... Ben," she said with a forced smile as she walked past them and found a shower stall for herself.

Once Kaydel closed and locked the door behind her, Rey turned back to Ben, who had backed away from her a few feet. Rey felt a strange pang in her chest, but quickly dismissed it.

The washer that Rey had thrown Ben's clothes into beeped from behind her, and she turned to it to grab his clothes without another word.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my updates have been so late! Enjoy the chapter!!

Something about the medical ship made Rey feel nauseous. She'd been inside more than enough times for a single person - Jedi training didn't come without injuries - but something about this visit in particular made her stomach churn. She brushed it off, assuming it just had to do with her concern for Ben's injuries.

"Can you take off your shirt?" 

Rey's eyes widened in surprise at the request of the young girl who was treating Ben. She had to be at least 5 years younger than Rey, which meant 15 years younger than Ben.

The young girl seemed to catch Rey's eye, "I think he may have a broken rib. I can't check through the shirt."

Rey felt embarrassed and looked down at her hands in her lap. She heard Ben chuckle beside her.

"Jealous?" He teased.

"I didn't say anything," Rey shot back.

Ben pulled his shirt over his head and the young girl began to examine him with light touches along his ribs. Rey's eyes were locked on where their skin met, and as much as she tried to pull herself away, she couldn't. 

Ben winced at a few of her touches, and finally she removed her hands from Ben's skin and looked between Rey and him.

"You've definitely got a broken rib," she told them.

"So what do I have to do?" Ben asked.

"Just rest," the girl told him, "a lot of bed rest. Then come back in a week or so."

Rey bit down on her lower lip and met Ben's eyes. He seemed to know instantly what she was thinking.

"Don't even think about it, Rey," he told her.

"Bed rest, Ben?" She replied, "Forget about just you, that means I have to be by your side for days doing nothing. Not able to help. Let me do it."

Ben let out a frustrated sigh, "I can tell that there's nothing I can do to stop you, but that doesn't mean I won't warn you against it. You need to recover too."

"I'm not the one who used all my life force to bring someone back from the dead," Rey shot back as she gently placed her hand over the area where she'd seen the younger girl prodding at him.

Rey closed her eyes and took a deep breath. His skin felt hot under her fingers. She took another deep breath and focused all of herself on him. Slowly she felt a collection of energy forming in and around her hand, and then a gradual shift under Ben's skin as she let the force heal his body. When the energy finally settled, Rey opened her eyes to find Ben staring up at her.

The girl patted down Ben's side once more to double check his injury.

"You fixed it," she said, looking dumbfounded.

"It's force healing," Rey explained, "Using some of my life force to heal Ben's injuries."

"So your life gets shorter every time you use that power?"

Rey smiled at the wide-eyed, curious expression of the young girl in front of her. She remembered being that curious when she was that age on Jakku, and when she'd met Finn and the Force was first introduced to her.

"No," Rey said, "Life force energy is like blood. If you lose too much of it at once you can die, but your body is always creating more of it. So you can lose little bits at a time and eventually it will be replaced. Me helping Ben is the equivalent of getting a cut and needing a bandage."

"Oh," the girl replied, "That's really interesting. Thank you."

"Anytime."

"Well, Ben is healed. But Rey you need to be sure not to aggravate your cuts. They could reopen," the girl explained.

"Of course," Rey replied, "May I ask your name? I don't think we've met before today."

"I'm Dr. Connix," the girl said, "Billie Connix. Kaydel's younger sister." 

"Thank you, Dr. Connix," Rey smiled.

As if on cue, Poe burst into the the medical ship. He turned and met her eyes before yelling to her:

"There's a First Order ship in our atmosphere. We need you outside now!"

Without another word he turned and left the ship. Rey and Ben exchanged a look before Ben threw his shirt back on and they got to their feet to run after him.

The clearing was growing crowded with people who were staring up at the TIE Fighter that was merely a spec in the sky. Rey pushed her way through the crowd to get up front with Ben following shortly behind her. The ship was growing closer and closer to the ground and everyone drew their weapons in preparation to fight.

Rey turned to Ben who was standing by her side, "Do you recognize that ship?"

Ben shook his head, "It's just a TIE."

Rey reached into her holster to grab her blaster and shoved the weapon into Ben's hand, "If something happens, use this."

Ben took the weapon, and Rey grabbed the Skywalker lightsaber as the TIE fighter descended before them. Everyone had their weapons drawn but refrained from firing at Poe's signal. 

The door to the ship cracked open and two gloved hands raised as a show of surrender. Out stepped a ginger haired man dressed in a First Order uniform that both Rey and Ben knew all too well. Ben raised his blaster and prepared to fire before Poe stopped him.

"Hold your fire!" Pod called out to everyone, "This is the spy who helped us win the war."

Everyone except for Rey and Ben lowered their weapons. 

"The spy?!" Ben said in exasperation, "You've got to be kidding me."

Ben began to storm forward towards Hux. 

"Ben, stop!" Rey called to him as she ran after him, putting away her lightsaber. 

Heads turned to the two of them as Ben stormed towards Hux with rage in his stride. When Hux turned and noticed the bigger man all the colour in his face disappeared.

"What are you doing here?" Hux asked nervously.

"What are you doing here is the real question," Ben spat back, grabbing him by the collar of his First Order uniform. As he was about to raise the blaster to the smaller man's face the weapon flew out of his hand and into Rey's.

"Ben!" She exclaimed.

"You should have died," Hux spat at Ben, "I gave information to the Resistance so that you would lose! So that you would die!"

"You gave up your life's work just so I would lose?"

"Yes!"

"You're pathetic," Ben turned to Rey and Poe while keeping ahold of Hux's uniform, "You heard him. He only betrayed the First Order because of me. Now that I'm on your side he will betray you to get at me."

"I'd sooner-"

Hux was cut off as him and Ben were hit with a wave of force energy and knocked to the ground away from each other.

"That's enough!" Rey yelled at the two of them, "Ben, we gave you a chance because you helped the Resistance and we can do the same for Hux. Whether he stays or not will be up to the Generals, not you! As for you, Hux, you watch what you say. Ben is just as much a member of the Resistance now as any of us. You'll not even have a chance to get in if you can't accept all of us."

"Thank you, Rey," Poe chimed in from behind her.

"Sorry, Rey," Ben said, still glaring at Hux.

"Yeah, sorry," Hux added, still glaring at Ben.

Rey rolled her eyes and let Poe take over.

"Ben, stay with Rey please. Hux, you risked your life for us and for the Resistance and we'll be happy to give you a chance after we can sit down and have a conversation with you. But first it looks like we need to get you to the med ship, and I can show you there," Poe said to the red headed man, then turned to Rey, "Rey, I'm going to need you, Finn, and Rose with me on this."

Rey nodded at his orders, and turned to search the crowd for Finn and Rose. Once she found the two of them and Ben was back by her side, they followed Poe and Hux back to the med ship, where Dr. Connix was the one to work on Hux's injuries.

"How did you get out?" Poe asked as the Doctor worked away at Hux's blaster wounds. 

"I played dead until Stormtroopers carried my body away, and then I found a TIE and snuck away before the ships could be blown to pieces. Congratulations on the win by the way."

"Thanks." 

"I brought my cat with me too," Hux added.

Rey's eyes lit up with excitement, "You have a cat?! I've never seen a cat before!"

Hux smiled, "Her name is Millicent. She's in the TIE."

Rey turned to Ben and beamed up at him in excitement, but he still held a bitter gaze down at Hux. He gave her a half smile before returning to his frustrated expression.

However Poe seemed to recognize her excitement as he gave her the orders, "Rey, if you can find a place for Hux to stay you can bring his cat to the room."

"Yes, General."

"So we're letting him stay?" Rose asked.

"Obviously," Finn replied, "He risked his life for us. We'd be dead right now if it weren't for him."

"So who's going to supervise him?" Rey said.

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, for Ben I have to be with him at all times," Rey explained, "Who's going to be with Hux. I can't watch over both of them."

"I think he should be fine on his own," Poe replied, "He nearly died for us. That's enough proof for me."

"Seriously?" Rey exclaimed, "Ben actually died for me. I was actually dead and then he gave his life to bring me back. He was actually dead and General Leia gave her life force to bring him back. Your General." 

"Rey is right that doesn't seem fair," Rose added. 

"It's our decision, Rey, not yours."

"Hux isn't as dangerous as Ben."

"I'm sure Hux can use a blaster just as well as Ben can," Rey shot back.

"Are you volunteering to monitor him as well?" Finn replied.

"That's ridiculous. I can't watch that many people at once."

"So then who's supposed to do it?" Finn shot back again.

"I could care less if he's free to walk around or not. If you guys want him free then that's what he should be, but Ben deserves the same treatment."

"I'll do it!" Rose exclaimed, "I'll watch over him!"

But Finn kept arguing over top of her, "Ben is a Sith Lord."

"Ben is not and has never been a Sith Lord!" Rey yelled back, "Don't pretend like you know anything about the Force, Finn. All you've ever done is made assumptions. You're making an assumption that Ben is still evil when I've told you he's not. I am trusting Hux because I trust you and Poe, I trust your judgement. Why can't you spare the same for me and Ben? When I say we can trust Ben, I mean it. I killed Palpatine. Me alone. I'm not a child, and you need to stop treating me like one."

Finn remained in shocked silence after Rey finished. Everyone was staring at her with their mouths agape, but Rey could care less. She was done being silent and going with whatever Finn or Poe wanted. She had her own mind and she was going to speak it.

Red felt a gentle touch on the small of her back and turned to see Ben looking down at her with concern in his eyes.

"Let's go find Millicent. Let them talk," he said gently.

Rey nodded then followed him out of the medical ship, leaving the others staring dumbfounded after them. 

As soon as they stepped off the ship tears began to spill down Rey's face.

"I'm sorry," she said as Ben pulled her close and wrapped his arm around her, planting delicate kisses on the top of her head.

"Don't apologize," he said, "You were right. You deserve more respect than that."

"Usually I'm good at letting it go," she said with her face buried in his shirt, "His opinions didn't effect me before. I guess they still don't, but they effect you now."

"Hey," Ben said, putting his hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes, "They still don't effect you. All I want is to be with you, and they've given us a reason to never leave each others' sides. Whatever their rules are, don't worry about me. This is your family and I'm honoured just to be a part of it."

Rey smiled, then got on her tip toes to plant a kiss on his cheek, "You're my family, Ben."

"Come on, let's go find the cat."


	5. Chapter 5

When Ben popped open the door of the TIE Fighter, Millicent was eagerly awaiting them just inside. The door was barely open before she was hopping out and trying to make a run for it.

Rey squeaked and jumped back at the sight of the fluffy orange creature trying to sneak it's way past her. Ben was the one to reach down and grab her before she took off. He picked her up and held her against his chest, noticing that she'd immediately started shedding orange fur on his black sweater.

Ben used to joke with himself that Millicent was the only part of Hux that he liked. The first time him and the cat had met, Millie had managed to sneak out of Hux's quarters and was wandering the First Order ship as if she owned the place. At the time it had been the first time Ben has seen a cat. He'd wanted to destroy her, until she rubbed herself up against his black robes and Ben fell in love. As he held the cat in his arms he felt a wave of nostalgia looking into her curious green eyes.

Ben looked past the cat in his arms to Rey, who was staring with equally adorable wide, curious eyes. He smiled at the overwhelming feeling of love in his heart for her. Just for her. 

With Millicent still in his arms, Ben sat down on the ground and Rey followed suit. She sat down cross legged in front of him, her knees touching his, eager to be able to touch the animal in his arms. 

"Have you ever met a cat before?" Ben asked.

"No," she told him, "but I've heard that they're some of the cutest creatures in the galaxy."

"Do you want to hold her?"

"Yes," Rey said with a growing smile on her face. 

"Okay, just be careful of her claws," Ben said and he gently set the fuzzy orange cat on her lap.

He watched as Rey tentatively ran her hand down Millie's shoulders to her tail. She grinned in utter delight as the cat arched her spine at Rey's touch. Millie nuzzled her face against Rey's hand as she continued to give the cat gentle scratches under her chin, on top of her head, and around her ears.

"What's the sound she's making?" Rey asked when Millicent began to purr.

"It's called a purr," Ben explained to Rey, "It means she's happy."

"She's just happy to get attention," Rey laughed. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Ben spotted Poe, Finn, Hux, and Rose headed in their direction.

"Poe and the others are headed over here," Ben told Rey, feeling guilty for having to interrupt her moment of happiness when the smile on her face faltered.

"Hey guys," Poe said as they approached.

Millie bounded our of Rey's arms at the sight of Hux and ran over to him. The red haired man scooped the cat up like a baby and held her against his chest while pressing kisses into her fur. Ben had never seen the man display so much emotion in all the years that they'd known each other.

"We've been talking and we've come up with a decision," Poe told them.

Rey and Ben both got to their feet to be able to properly talk to their friends.

"And?" Rey asked.

"You were right," Poe said, "It wasn't fair of us to give Hux better treatment than Ben. So me and Finn and Rose discussed a new way to handle the situation. You don't need to worry about constantly being by each other's sides. I still want you, Rey, to be aware of Ben's whereabouts at all times, but it was ridiculous of me to think that you needed to be glued to each other's sides at all times."

"I'll be supervising Hux," Rose chimed in, "I volunteered. He's gunna spend most of his time with me, helping out."

"And forget what I said about always having Finn know you're whereabouts," Poe added, "I trust you, and I think Finn can be using his energy better elsewhere."

"As for curfew, I think that should still apply for the most part. If Ben or Hux are our past dark they should be with someone, and if they're not with someone they should be in their rooms. As for rooms, by the way, they can have their own and neither of you gave to worry about supervising them while they're there."

Ben felt a weight lift off of his shoulders that he hadn't even known had been there. As much as he loved Rey and would probably stay by her side 24/7 regardless, it felt better to have even just a bit more freedom. Though an anxious knot sit sat heavy in his stomach about the idea of sleeping alone, without Rey in his arms.

Finn stepped forward, "I'm sorry, peanut. I was worried about you, I know you can take care of yourself. I admire you so much, and I should start treating you like it."

"It's okay, Finn," Rey said and stepped forward to hug him, "I admire you too." 

"Are you crying?" Poe asked. Even Ben hadn't noticed the tears welling up in Rey's eyes

"No," Rey said with a sniffle, as she stepped out of Finn's hug. 

"Maker, Rey," Finn laughed.

"I don't know why I'm crying," Rey said as the tears streamed down her face, wiping them away as quickly as she could.

Poe brought her in for a hug, "It's been an emotional few days. Don't worry about it."

"As for you," Poe said, looking into Ben's eyes as he let Rey go and stepped closer to him. Ben was nervous before Poe spoke again, "I never thanked you properly. You helped Rey, you saved Rey and the Resistance. You are a hero."

Ben smiled, "Thank you, but you're far bigger a hero than I am."

"We wouldn't have won without either of you," Rose chimed in. 

"And Leia was like a second mother to me," Poe added, pulling Ben in for a hug, "So that makes you my brother."

Ben was taken aback by the sudden gesture of love and friendliness by the man he'd tortured barely a year ago. But he decided to be grateful and accept the offer of family.

From beside him Ben could hear Rey bursting into sobs again. 

"My families are accepting each other," She said between sobs.

Ben and Poe broke away from the hug, and Ben looked at the group of people around him. Poe smiling as he watched Rose wrap a comforting arm around Rey, who had her face buried in her hands. Even Hux who was trying to keep the smile off his face as he watched the events unfold in front of him.

He'd always known Rey was his family, and his life. But suddenly the possibility of a real family, with people who loved and cared about him, seemed to be right in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly all this story is going to be is pure fluff and good feelings. I’m not kidding when I say that writing this ideal ending is actually therapeutic. I hope it’s having the same effect for you as it is for me.
> 
> After this is where things kinda start to move on from a better wrapping up of TROS to a new story on it’s own. I hope you’re enjoying so far and thank you so much for all the kudos and wonderful comments!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: unwanted pregnancy, discussions of abortion,

The next month went by quickly, and not without plenty to do. As much as Rey kept pushing for it, they hadn't even had enough time for Ben to get to know the rest of the Resistance. It was just constant work.

By the time the month was over all of those who were heading home had gone, and they were left to clean up and reorganize. Those who remained on Ajan Kloss had begun to go on search and rescue missions for those who had been rendered homeless by the war, but as Finn and Poe's closest confidant, Rey hadn't had a chance to join the missions. They were working on a project to turn the old resistance base into a new home for those who had nowhere to go, and there were many who needed the support. 

But Rey had yet to decide where she wanted to be. In the meantime she would stay on Ajan Kloss, since that's where Poe, Finn and Rose were staying. Poe had told her that there was a place for the three of them to help in establishing a new state of government for the galaxy. A new republic that would send them away to a different planet. Maybe several different planets. Poe had assured her that he'd make room for her if she wished to join them, but managing people had never been something she was very good at, nor was she interested in. She preferred planets with fresh air and space compared to big city planets where there was barely enough room to go for a run. 

In reality she didn't want to look past the moment she was living in. Everything felt so perfect, that it was hard to think about what the future might hold. She knew things couldn't be perfect forever, but did believe that the best was yet to come. 

A few days after Hux had landed his TIE in the middle of the resistance base, Finn and Poe had announced a celebration. It was to be held on the one month anniversary of their victory. They'd extended the invitation throughout the galaxy. Anyone who wished to celebrate the victory of the Resistance was welcome to come. There was to be a bonfire, and all the guests were encouraged to bring foods from their planets so that everyone could experience different cultures around the galaxy. 

When that announcement had been made, Rey and Ben had exchanged a look of anxiety. They'd been glued to each other's side every day - except for the nighttimes when they went to their individual rooms - so when the announcement was made they'd dropped the task they were working on together to listen. 

"The whole galaxy?" Rey had whispered to Ben in disbelief. 

"They won't all fit on the planet!"

But the evening was there and although it was busy, their guests didn't take up room on the entire planet. Both of them found the event to be much more enjoyable than anticipated - especially for Rey, who had never been around so much food in her life. 

Their favourite part by far was the bonfire. There was no better feeling than curling up in front of the warmth of the fire with Ben and a fuzzy blanket she'd brought from her room. Not to mention her full belly.

Some of the guests had put on performances in front of the fires. Groups of children danced, a comedic performance was put on in another language (which neither Rey nor Ben could understand, but found the overly dramatic gestures to be hilarious), and one individual had even done tricks with the fire. 

Rey was pressed up against Ben's warm body and he kept his arms wrapped tight around her. Her head seemed to sit perfectly under his chin while they relaxed. Rey could've fallen asleep, if it weren't for the sudden wave of nausea. 

She stood up suddenly from the ground beside Ben and made a beeline for the trees. He seemed to be able to tell instantly what was wrong.

"Again?" He asked, "That's every day this week."

She made her way into the trees far enough away that no one would be lingering. Away from the warmth of the fire and the sound of celebrations. Rey hated having company in moments of vulnerability.

She crouched down next to a tree and let herself be sick. 

Ben had been right. Every day of the week so far, and then every odd day here and there before that, she'd had to excuse herself due to nausea. Even multiple times on some days. Most of the time the feeling had struck her in the morning when the two of them were meditating, but on two or three occasions it had been random smells that triggered her sickness. 

Nausea hadn't been the only unusual symptom she'd had throughout the past few weeks either. There had been an irritation with bright lights, random bursts of emotion, and the lack of her period altogether - though she was only a week late. The symptoms had hit her so suddenly - and so hard - that she was certain it was unnatural. Rey wasn't unaware of the possible causes, but she felt it was easier to forget about it and move on.

When Ben approached her, she'd heard him coming from a while away. She knew he was concerned, and she knew he wasn't unaware of the causes either, but she didn't want to talk about it. 

"Hi," she said, "I'm fine."

Ben put a hand on her back and crouched down on the ground next to her, "I've been thinking a lot. I know you have too, and.. well- when was the last time you had your period, Rey?"

Rey shook her head, "I... A while. But it's not- that's not it." 

Rey had heard that sometimes the transference of life force transferred more than just energy. That sometimes - a chance of one in a million - it transferred life itself. 

"I'm sorry," Ben whispered to her, rubbing his hand up and down her back.

"This doesn't mean that that's what's happening," Rey defended, "I could just be sick."

"You need to get in to see Dr. Connix tomorrow."

After day 5 of daily vomiting, she'd seen Dr Connix. Privately. Back then she hadn't believed it to be anything serious, probably just leftover anxiety from the war and having to say goodbye to many friends. Dr Connix was the one who'd informed her of the possibilities. She'd never told Ben. 

"This isn't how I wanted it to happen."

"You don't have to keep it."

"The force did this, Ben. This is what it wanted," Rey said, looking up at him, "I can't fight it."

"Are you serious, Rey?" Ben said, exasperated, "Your body doesn't belong to the Force. It doesn't get to just do what it wants to you. This- it's not the will of the Force or fate, it's just something that happened."

"We're a dyad, Ben. We were created by the Force for the Force. I feel like if I am pregnant, then that's happened for a reason." 

"That's bantha-shit and you know it, Rey," Ben began to raise his voice. 

"Ben!"

"This isn't even how this happens. I didn't bring you back so you'd be forced to carry a child. I brought you back so that maybe someday you could have that choice. You didn't consent to this. At least if we had chosen to- if you had chosen to be with someone that way, then it would at least be a risk you were willing to take."

"Oh, I'm aware of how consent works, Ben," Rey yelled back at him, "I'm not as Porg-brained as you seem to think I am."

"That's not what I said."

"Does it look like I'm happy about this? Does this look like something I wanted? That's not the issue here, Ben. I believe in the Force, and I believe that everything that happens is worth something, even if it doesn't make sense." 

"Don't you think that after everything you've been through, you deserve to be the one who decides how you bring a child into this galaxy?" 

"Of course I do!" Rey shouted, tears beginning to spill down her face, "But I have also chosen to follow the Force. That is my choice and what I have consented to."

Ben let out a frustrated sigh, "If you truly believe that this is the will of the Force then fine. But I can't believe in anything that is so consistently cruel to you."

Rey got onto her feet and wiped the tears away from her eyes, "It doesn't matter what you believe," she said before storming off in the direction of their housing ship.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut to fight the burning hot tears that threatened to spill. He felt pure rage for the first time in so long. The same feeling he'd get before he took his lightsaber and destroyed the nearest console. The rage was not directed at her. Never at her. But at the Force, and at himself for not being able to help by making all of her pain go away. 

Mostly he was afraid. If she decided to keep it, the child would be his too. It didn't matter that he hadn't put the child there the way nature intended him too, it was his life force. It would take Rey stabbing him through the heart with his grandfather's lightsaber to stop him from helping her raise that child. But Force knew he wasn't ready. He'd been back on the light side for a week. Was this the Force's way of having him redeem himself? To raise a smaller version of him to be better than he had been? Ben wasn't sure he was capable. He felt too much like his father, and in that sense he was terrified of having children.

He grabbed a handful of dirt, and twigs, and stones from the ground beneath him and hurled it with all his force at the nearest tree. That was all the rage he allowed himself to externalize.

"I regret to inform you that I accidentally overheard all of that."

"What do you want, Hux?" Ben asked, refusing to turn around to look at the man who's voice he recognized instantly. 

"To ask if you're alright."

Ben whipped around to look at him in disbelief, "Why would you do that?"

"We're on the same side now."

"We've always been on the same side. Last time we were on the same side you changed sides because you wanted me dead so bad."

Hux sighed, "I'll leave you alone then."

Ben listened to the crunch of his footsteps as Hux walked away. Instantly he regretted being so cold to the man. Hux was trying to be his friend, and Ben had shot him down. He didn't want to replicate their relationship as it had been in the First Order.

"I'm sorry," Ben called out to him, and heard the crunch of footsteps stop, "Thank you for being concerned. But I don't want to talk about it. Just... please... please don't tell anyone."

"You have my word, Solo," Hux replied as he began to walk off again.

~*~*~*~*~

Rey kept her head down as she sped through the crowd of people. All she wanted was to be alone, and the tears would not stop for a second to at least let her return to her room without being noticed.

"Rey!"

She heard Finn calling out for her and sped up her pace. She didn't want to talk to anyone, let alone the person who might personally murder Ben if he found out they'd had an argument. 

"Hey, stop walking for a sec," he was right behind her now, reaching out trying to grab her arm. 

"I need to be alone," the crack in her voice gave her emotions away and she began to cry.

"Oh, peanut," he said, wrapping her in a hug, "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"You're crying."

"I'm fine."

"You never cry, Rey." 

She separated from the hug and looked up at him, "I'm sorry, Finn, but I can't talk about this right now. I appreciate your support but I need to be alone."

Rey turned back around and headed for her room, and Finn didn't follow her.

~*~*~*~*~

Within minutes of their fight, Ben knew he needed to apologize. He assumed that she'd probably need some time with her thoughts, but anxiety prickled beneath his skin knowing that she was probably alone and upset with him. She thought about sending someone to go check on her, but who? Rose, maybe? Rey would probably just send her away. She wasn't one to talk about her feelings with anyone except for Ben. For what reason? Ben had no idea. 

Eventually he decided to just go back to his room. It would be better for him then wandering the jungle in frustration. But when he arrived at their housing ship he was met by an unfriendly face.

"What's going on?" Finn demanded to know, but Ben tried to step around him onto the ship.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rey was upset earlier. She wanted to be alone," Finn said, going so far as to plant a hand on the bigger man's chest to prevent him from moving past him. Automatically Ben felt more tense and irritated. He didn't take kindly to unwanted touch.

"If she was upset, you'd be the last that she'd talk to about it," Ben said a little more hurtfully than he'd intended it to, and even he knew it was untrue. 

"I felt it, Ben."

"It wasn't hard to tell that she's upset." 

"I know that there's a baby."

Ben's head spun at Finn's words. He knew there was no way Rey would tell him. He doubted she'd even tell someone else who could have spilled the information to him. She'd never even said the words themselves to Ben. 

"How did you know that?" Ben asked, stepping closer to Finn to tower over him intimidatingly.

"I felt it when I hugged her." 

Ben was still lost.

"Trust me, you're not the first person I wanted to tell. I wanted to tell Rey a while ago, but I never got the chance."

"Tell her what?"

"I'm force sensitive."

Ben snorted and began to shove his way past Finn again, "For a second I thought you were serious."

"How else would I know there's a baby?"

"She's has pregnancy symptoms, that doesn't mean she's pregnant. It's pretty obvious that she's been having symptoms," Ben said, walking down the hall to his room, "I would mind my own business if I were you."

Ben was halfway down the hall before he felt a shove at his shoulder. That's when he snapped. He whipped around, ready to punch Finn as hard as he could in the face, but no one was there. That's when he realized that Finn had been serious. 

Finn was at the other end of the hall, by the entrance to the ship, right where Ben had left him. No one else was around to have touched him. 

"Did you just force-shove me?" Ben asked.

"It was supposed to be more of a push, but yes."

Ben sighed, "So what? You felt the baby how?"

"When I hugged her I felt something different. A kind of energy. An energy like new life."

That's when Ben got the idea in his head to find out of himself. If Finn, this amateur with the force, was able to sense something in Rey then maybe he could too. 

He turned away from him and headed for Rey's door.

"Do not tell anyone," Ben called down the hall as he walked away, "For Rey's sake."

He didn't hear another word from Finn, even when he knocked on Rey's door, and even when she answered.

"Ben, I-"

"I'm sorry," he said, "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. Can I come in so we can talk in private?"

"Ok," she moved away from the door to let him inside. He noticed that her eyes were still red and puffy as if she'd been crying up until he'd knocked on the door.

She sat down on the edge of her bed, but he kept to leaning up against her dresser. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable if she still wasn't ready to be near him. Her lack of eye contact gave him the impression that she wasn't. 

"I'm sorry," he said again, "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. It's not my decision to make."

"I'm sorry that I said what you believe doesn't matter," she added with her hands knotted together in her lap, "I was angry. It does matter, and I do care what you think."

Ben crouched down on the ground in front of her and put his hands on her knees, "I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything because of what I said. It was inappropriate and I should have better control of myself."

Rey's eyes were still glued to her hands in her lap and she shrugged.

"I need you to know that whatever you choose to do I will be there for you. Maybe I don't believe in the Force the same way you do, but I do believe that if anyone can handle this it's you."

He caught a split second of a grin on her face.

"If you want to keep it I'll raise it with you. I'll learn how to be a dad. I'll be the best dad you've ever met. And if you decide not to keep it then I won't judge you. I'll hold your hand the whole way. This is your choice and how I feel about it shouldn't affect your decision at all."

She finally looked into his eyes and smiled, "Thank you, Ben." 

He brought his hand up to cup her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb. He'd follow her to the edge of the universe, and support her all the way. 

"I have some bad news though," he told her.

"What?"

"Finn knows."

"How? Did you tell him?" The smile on Rey's face was gone. 

"No," he said, "Rey, I think he's force sensitive."

"What do you mean?"

"Apparently when he hugged you he felt the presence of another life. I was talking to him in the hall and he force-shoved me."

"Why didn't he tell me?" Rey asked herself, "I have to speak with him!"

"I think he's been wanting to," Ben said in a reassuring tone.

"But," Ben started with a deep sigh, "What he said has me wanting to try something."

"Okay?"

"Can you lay on the bed?"

Rey did as he asked, propping her head and shoulders up with a few of her pillows. Ben sat down on the edge of the bed, right next to her. 

Ben took a deep breath and focused his mind. His hand hovered over her belly for a moment before gently resting on her. Directing all of his attention to what was happening inside of her, he closed his eyes and reached out to the Force. 

At first he felt nothing. Just the regular ebb and flow of the Force between the two of them, surrounded by peace and excitement that bled through the celebration. He focused harder on the two of them, but still noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

Just as he was about to give up, he felt something. A warmth between them that felt like home and safety and love. Something he'd been feeling since he came back to the Resistance base with her, but he hadn't really noticed or paid a lot of mind to. It was just a subconscious addition to their lives. He tried to focus in on the little bundle of love but lost his focus.

Ben couldn't stop smiling. He even giggled. His hand came up from her belly to cover up his face when he couldn't stop himself from laughing through his pure joy. 

"Ben?!" Rey exclaimed, "Have you lost your mind?" 

Ben couldn't reply through the hand covering his face.

"Did you find something?" 

He nodded and removed his hand to show his bright, beautiful smile, "There's something- I mean there's a baby- I- Rey!"

"Ben?"

He took both of her hands in both of his, "It's beautiful, Rey. It's peace, and love, and happiness, and warmth, and I will fight to protect it until the day I die if you decide you'll bring it into the world."

A smile broke out on Rey's face and she couldn't stop herself from reflecting his giddiness. 

"Really?" She asked through giggles.

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her right. He nuzzled into her hair and took in her scent and her warmth. She wrapped her around around him squeezed him back.

"Ben?" 

"Yeah?" He pulled away from the hug to look down into her wide, beautiful eyes. 

"I-" she started, then bit her bottom lip as if she was nervous to say it.

"Are you okay?"

"I just- I think I want to keep it. If I have you I think I can do it."

Ben our both hands on the sides of her face and pulled her in for a soft kiss. 

"Of course I'll be there," he kissed her again, "I'll always be here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had this part planned for a while but I was nervous about how to go about writing it. I hope I did it in a way that you all enjoy even if you disagree with her choices. I’m not taking any personal stances with this chapter. 
> 
> And I know I’ll get comments for this so I gotta say we’re pretending that life force babies show symptoms way way earlier than normal babies.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the longest chapter I’ve ever posted. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fics. Your kudos and comments are literally keeping me going right now.

Rey was jolted from her peaceful sleep by the sound of pounding at her door. Her eyes shot open and she tried to jump out of bed but was stopped by a heavy weight on top of her. She looked down at her chest and as she oriented herself and realized that Ben was lying on top of her, and on top of him was the Jedi text that she'd fallen asleep reading. 

The bigger man was draped over her like a blanket. His shirt was gone and his cheek was pressed into her collarbone as he snored softly. This had been the third time they'd accidentally fallen asleep together. The first time being their first night back from Exegol, the second being the day they found out about Rey's pregnancy, and this time after a long night of training almost a month later. Rey usually preferred that he go back to his own room during the nights, because sleeping together every night right off the bat seemed too intimate for her. Despite the fact that they were already having a baby together.

The pounding returned, this time with the sound of Poe's voice on the other side. 

"Rey, we need you now! It's urgent! If you have Ben bring him too!" 

"I'm on my way," Rey called back as she shoved the text off of Ben using her free hand and began to try to remove him from on top of her.

"Ben!" She said, wriggling her arm out from underneath him. 

"Huh?" He said, groggily.

"Poe needs us," she said, trying to push his dead weight off of her and failing miserably at it. 

Finally Ben rolled off of her and Rey jumped to her feet. She was still dressed in her clothes from the night before, having forgotten to change before passing out underneath him. Ben on the other hand, seemed to prefer sleeping with as little clothes as possible, as his were scattered around the floor, and she had no recollection of him taking them off. 

"Ben, get dressed!" She exclaimed, grabbing a handful of his clothes and tossing them at him. 

She ran a quick comb through her hair and bolted out the door before Ben even had a chance to move.

"Rey, wait!" He called after her, but she was long gone. 

She ran down the hall and off the ship to find a large group of people gathered in the common area. The last time Rey had seen them gathered for such an urgent matter, it had been to announce that Palpatine was still alive. Her heart pounded in her chest as she sprinted over to the group.

"What's going on?" She said as she shoved her way through the crowd to where Finn and Poe were standing.

"We've found a functioning First Order Drednaught over Pasaana," Poe told her.

"We assumed they'd all been destroyed on Exegol," Finn said, "And we were wrong. Myself and Rose had scans and messages put out to notify us of any ships that may have escaped our notice, and we heard nothing until today. Something popped up on one of our scanners, and one of our previous fighters, native to Pasaana, sent a transmission to us about the sudden appearance of one in the sky. No one knows where it came from."

"So what's the plan?"

"We need to investigate," Poe announced, "Myself and Finn plan on leading this mission, and Lieutenant Connix will be left in charger during our absence."

"I'll come too," Rey volunteered.

"Good, because you were the next person I was going to ask."

"Us too," Rose added, "Me and Jannah. I've been sitting on the sidelines too long."

"Thank you, Rose and Jannah," Finn said, smiling at the two of them. 

"I want to help as well."

The deep voice from behind Rey startled her, and she turned around to see a fully dressed Ben Solo. He was dressed in the clothes that the Resistance had set aside for him, of donated clothes from resistance members who's gone home. Although they were still mostly dark colours, his new clothes reminded her of the way Han Solo used to dress. He had a black coat over top of a light grey shirt - a similar style to the one that Poe had been wearing the first time Rey had met him - and black pants with a dark blue stripe down the side. He'd kept his Kylo Ren boots, because they were the only shoes that would fit him, and his holster was the same dark brown material as hers. 

"I'm not so sure about that," Poe said, "The Res-"

"You've been looking for an opportunity for me to redeem myself," Ben interrupted, "And I think this is the perfect opportunity. I can be useful. I'm force sensitive like Rey, and I have more training than Finn. Also a lightsaber."

"I agree with, Ben," Rey chimed in, "It seems like a good opportunity for Ben to redeem himself doing more than just chores."

"If Solo is in, then I want in too," Hux said, stepping out from the crowd. Hux has also changed up his style from the First order uniform. He wore a white button up shirt and dark blue pants. 

"Well," Poe started, "I guess we have our team."

"We're leaving in the Falcon in half an hour," Finn announced, "Everyone be ready for then."

The group of people scattered off in different directions to prepare for the incoming mission. Even those who stayed behind needed to prepare in case any extra hands were needed once the initial group arrived on Pasaana. 

"I need the lightsabers and my blaster," Rey said, mostly to herself.

"How long are we going to keep using my family's lightsabers for?" Ben asked as they walked back to their ship.

"What do you mean?"

"We're both Jedi, shouldn't we have our own weapons? Not the weapons of my grandfather and my mother."

Rey looked up at Ben and considered his words, "I'd never thought about it before."

"We don't have time now," Ben said, "But maybe once we're done dealing with this situation we can stop and get some new kyber crystals. I'm sure Poe wouldn't mind."

"I agree," Rey said, as they stepped into the housing ship.

They gathered all of their weapons and supplies they would need, and were back at the foot of the falcon just as the rest of the group arrived.

"Are we ready to go?" Poe asked. Everyone nodded in agreement then began to board the Falcon. 

Rey and Ben were last behind everyone else, and Rey quickly noticed that he wasn't following behind her as she began to board.

"What's wrong?" Rey asked, turning to look at him.

"This is the first time I've been in the Falcon since I was... 10 maybe?" Ben admitted, looking nervous, "First time without my dad."

"Has it really been that long?" Rey asked.

"My parents sent me to Luke when I was 10, and my dad dropped me off in the Falcon, so yeah 10 years old."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Ben said, swallowing his anxiety.

Rey extended her hand to him, "come on."

Ben took her hand and laced their fingers together. He let her guide him up the ramp and into the hangar. Instantly he was overwhelmed with memories of his childhood, and he tried desperately to shake them off and be in the moment with Rey. 

They weren't bad memories. Most of them were good. Most of the time he was able to go on adventures with his dad, it was because his dad was in a good mood. But since Palpatine had been defeated, Ben found that his whole past seemed to be covered with a dark cloud. He hadn't realized how heavily Palpatine had influenced even the good parts of his childhood until the evil force was gone. So all though the memories were sweet, Ben couldn't shake the underlying feeling of fear that came with them. 

Trying to distract himself, Ben blurted out the first thing that came to his mind, "Did you find the answer to your question about life force children in the Jedi texts last night?"

Everyone in the room stopped to look up at him, and in front of him Rey's face was growing a bright shade of red. He'd been so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't realize everyone on board the ship was standing right in front of them. Jannah, Finn, Poe, Rose, and Hux.

"Uh, Ben," Rey whispered.

"Sorry," Ben said, trying to recover and save from having to explain to the group what exactly "life force children" meant, "I was just- not thinking. Uh, I know you were on that chapter last might. Um."

"Uh, yeah," Finn chimes in, "Rey was telling me about that chapter too."

"What are you talking about?" Poe asked, looking between the three of them in suspicions, "What's going on?"

"It's nothing," Ben said, completely embarrassed by his slip up 

"You know what," Rey said, "I should have told you guys earlier, I'm done hiding things from you."

"Rey you don't have to-"

"Ben, no. It's too late."

"Can someone explain what is going on?" Poe asked.

"Rey, are you okay?" Rose said quietly.

"I'm fine," Rey said with a sigh. Ben felt overwhelmingly guilty for starting this, "it's just- When Ben brought me back after I fought Palpatine he did a little more than being me back. He created a new life too. I'm pregnant. The question I was looking to answer with the Jedi texts was about the process of pregnancy for babies that were created through life force, since it's not exactly the natural way babies are brought into the galaxy."

Rey let out a long breath after her story. Ben was on edge, ready to fight anyone who might challenge Rey. 

Rose was the first to react. She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around Rey, "Congratulations, Rey! I'm so excited for you!"

Rey let out a relieved laugh and hugged Rose back. Ben also let out a sigh of relief.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!" Poe said, smiling. He came forward and wrapped his arms around the two girls, "I'm so happy for you, Rey."

"We're going to be your baby's fun aunts and uncles!" Jannah exclaimed, running forward to join the group hug. 

"Oh, I have to get in on this," Finn smiled and jumped into the group hug. 

Ben couldn't stop himself from smiling. He was beyond grateful that Rey had such a strong support system in the Resistance. After such a positive reaction, he knew that her and the baby would always be loved. Not just by him.

"Congratulations, Solo," Hux said, shaking Ben's hand. 

"Thank you, Hux," Ben replied, smiling at the man who used to be his enemy.

"Congratulations to you too, Ben," Rose said after the group hug broke up. The smaller woman came forward to hug Ben as well.

Suddenly Ben was in the middle of a group hug of his own, surrounded by people who were all much shorter than him. 

When the group hug had broken up and all of the congratulations had died down, the team got to work on taking off. 

Ben felt strangely possessive of the ship when Poe and Rey sat in the pilots seats with such comfort and familiarity. It was his fathers ship and these two people who had no relation to Han were navigating the ship like it was their own. More familiar with the ship than Han's own heir. But he sat himself down behind Rey's co pilot seat and remained silent. He'd get a chance soon. His future involved a lot more time in the Falcon, and since he was Han's heir the ship technically belonged to him. 

It was a short ride to Pasaana, and as soon as they were in the atmosphere they could see the giant First Order Drednaught. The whole group piled into the cockpit to get a look.

"It's not doing anything," Poe commented, "Just sitting there. They're not deploying any TIEs or anything." 

"What could it be doing there?" Rose said.

"Ben, Hux, any ideas?" Rey asked.

"I'd never leave a Dreadnaught in the atmosphere like that," Hux said, "It's just asking to be shot down."

"Yeah I agree," Ben added. 

"Should we try to sneak on board?" Finn asked.

Poe was the one to respond, "We should meet up with Mari first, the one who contacted us. She can give us a rundown of what's been happening up until now. For all we know they already have troops down there." 

"That's a better plan," Finn admitted.

"What do we know so far?" Ben asked as Poe and Rey began to descend the falcon.

"Just that it showed up out of nowhere this morning," Poe explained, "They hadn't made any moves when Mari first contacted us."

"And it looks like they still haven't," Finn added.

"What could they be up to?" Rey said, mostly to herself.

"We only destroyed the ships that were on Exegol," Poe said in response, "We assumed that was all of them but apparently we were wrong. They might be trying to restructure the First Order."

"Why wouldn't they go into hiding until they were strong enough to fight back," Finn wondered. 

"Maybe that's what they've been doing for the past few months," Rey said, "Waiting for the right moment to strike. But why here?"

"I don't know," Poe replied honestly, "I'm just as lost about this as the rest of you."

It wasn't long before they landed on the sands Pasaana. Parked in the exact same spot they'd been just two months prior, when they'd come to search for the Sith Wayfinder. It was like nothing had changed. 

When Rey stepped out of the falcon she was flooded with memories of her childhood. Pasaana wasn't much like Jakku, the only similarity being that they were each desert planets. Where on Jakku everyone lived in poverty and struggled to survive, Pasaana radiated peaceful energy, and all of it's citizens seemed welcoming of guests. Even the smell in the air was different than that of Jakku. But despite the drastic differences between the two planets, the crunch of sand beneath Rey's shoes brought back too many memories of barely surviving. 

"Now it's your turn to be hit with a bunch of unwanted memories, isn't it?" Ben said, as he walked up next to her, putting his hand on the small of her back.

"Yeah, I was really hoping I wouldn't have to come back to any sand planets after our last visit to Pasaana," she admitted.

He planted a gentle kiss on her temple, "After this is over I'll make sure you never have to see sand again."

Rey smiled up at him and he smiled back down at her. Every time she saw that smile of his, her chest seemed to flood with warmth and admiration. Before she'd met Ben, she hadn't known what it was like to love someone so much that she could feel it within herself.

"Alright, everyone, Mari is this way," Poe said, walking down the sandy hill and in the direction of rows of tents and ships. 

Rey remembered how it had been buzzing with life the last time they'd been there, when they'd come in the middle of the planet's celebration. The planet was still busy, but instead of celebrating the citizens were wandering about the land and socializing with each other. 

Rey took Ben's hand, and followed Poe and the others down the hill.

It was a quick walk to the tent where Mari lived. It was big enough to house 3 or 4 people, and made of a thick green fabric. There were two speeders parked outside and a few chairs placed around a small fireplace, which currently was not lit. Rey loved the cozy look of the place.

Poe stood outside of the fabric door and called out, "Mari? It's General Dameron!"

The girl, who looked to be around Ben's age, poked her head out from inside almost immediately. Rey recognized her immediately. She was nothing less than stunning. Her thick black hair framed her round face perfectly, and her light skin was complimented by her eyes that were so gold they were almost glowing. She looked at Poe, and then her bright eyes scanned the rest of them.

"Everyone here is from the Resistance?" She said, eyeing Ben and Hux suspiciously.

"Yes," Poe confirmed.

"Come inside," she said, and disappeared behind the green curtain. Poe pushed the fabric aside and went in after her. The rest of the group followed behind him.

Inside was even cozier than the outside. The ground was covered with a tarp-like material, and on top of that was one big, colourful, striped carpet that looked to be handmade. In the middle of the room was a circular, wooden table surrounded by four chairs made of the same kind of wood material. In the back were four beds lined up, covered in blankets that also looked to be handmade. To the left side was a small stove, and in front of that stove was an older woman who was cooking something in a pot. On the other side was a young child playing with some puppets, who looked up with the same golden eyes as Mari when the group of them entered. The entire tent smelled like something warm and delicious from whatever the older woman was cooking. 

"Thank you for coming," Mari said, "The whole town has been in a panic since it arrived this morning."

"When did it show up?" Poe asked.

"Just after sunrise," she told him, "It has not moved, or done anything at all, since it got here."

"Has anyone gone to investigate it?"

"Not that I'm aware of. Most have been hiding inside or relocating to another side of the planet temporarily. The war traumatized many of our citizens, so when the Dreadnaught showed up again it caused a lot of panic," she explained.

"That's understandable," Poe said, "And probably good that they got out of harms way. We're going to have to be the ones to investigate."

Suddenly a scream ripped through the air. 

Rey immediately turned and ran out of the tent and searched for the source of the sound. All around, Pasaanians were standing outside of their homes and staring up in terror at the sky. Rey looked up to see a large group of TIE fighters, and a few bigger ships heading towards the planet. 

Rey began to run towards where the TIE fighters looked to be heading, not looking to see if anyone was following her. She sprinted through the sand, weaving in between tents and ships towards the spot where the fighters were now landing. Most were running away from the First Order ship, but a few were heading in their direction, just as Rey was, looking prepared to fight.

She reached the edge of the crowd of Pasaanians with their weapons raised, and stopped running to reach for her lightsaber. 

"Rey!" She heard Finn call out to her, and she didn't react. She was about to push through the crowd when he grabbed her by the arm and yanked her backwards.

"Finn," she whipped around to scold him when she saw the rest of the group behind him. The rest of the group except for Ben, Hux, and Mari.

"What?" She snapped, "We have to stop them from hurting anyone."

"If you go out there on your own you will be recognized and shot down instantly," Finn told her.

"What so we should just let them die? Or do you want to go out there?"

"We have to see what their plan is first," Poe interjected. 

Rey turned back to the TIEs at the sound of the ships opening and Stormtroopers stepping out. 

In the midst of all of the white armour, Rey spotted a woman in a black suit and helmet, who looked to be a General of some sort. The woman muttered something to a few of the stormtroopers and then turned to the crowd.

"We are here in search of a group of individuals," she announced, "If you cooperate with our troopers, most of you will remain unharmed. We will only fire our weapons in self defence."

"What does that mean?" Rey heard Finn mutter from behind her. At the woman's announcement, even the Pasaanians began to lower their weapons in confusion.

"Rey!" Ben's voice rang through the air from behind her.

She turned to see him, Hux, and Mari running towards her. 

Rey squinted in confusion as Ben grew closer and she noticed him wearing a green overcoat on top of his outfit, and a strange bowl-shaped hat on his head and dark sunglasses. Behind him, Hux had on a diamond patterned vest and the same dark sunglasses as Ben. He approached her and she realized that he had a large piece of fabric in his hands.

Rey didn't have a chance to ask before Ben was throwing the coarse, wool fabric around her shoulders.

"Ben, what?" She asked as he tied it around her neck with a thick piece of string, and pulled the hood over her head. She quickly realized that he'd just dressed her in a thick, grey, hooded poncho. 

"If anyone from the First Order sees me, you, or Hux, they'll know who we are right away. We need to have something to disguise ourselves," he explained as he wrapped a colourful scarf around her neck and face overtop of the poncho.

Rey didn't argue, she knew he was right.

"Listen," Poe called everyone to him, "We need to figure out what their plan is and who they're searching for. Do not attack them. Let them search the crowd and watch to see who they take. Rey, Ben, Hux, do not get searched under any circumstances."

Rey huffed in frustration but understood what Poe was trying to do. It would be better to figure out what the overall plan was of the First Order, rather than fighting them all on the spot and alerting them to their presence. Rey wouldn't let them hurt anyone, but until they tried she had to keep her head down.

She turned back to the group of stormtroopers to see that they had begun to search the crowd, and no one had tried to stop them.

"Why aren't they fighting it?" Rey asked.

"Pasaanians are taught to put peace above all," Mari explained, "If the Stormtroopers don't attack then neither will they."

"We have to get out of here," Hux said, putting his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Yeah," Ben agreed, and took Rey's hand, "Come on, let's get out of here."

All of a sudden there was a shot, and panic erupted in the crowd. People began to sprint away from the stormtroopers, while others ran towards them to fight. 

Rey turned and tried to catch a glance of what had happened, but the Pasaanians running in every directions knocked her off her feet and she fell to the sandy ground. Ben's hand was yanked from her own and suddenly she had no sense of direction as people were stepping on her in an attempt to get away. She flailed her arms to shove people away from her, and in her attempts ended up tripping others. 

Suddenly a hand reached down and grabbed her by the wrist. She was dragged away by the mystery person and pulled to her feet. Once she'd regained her balance, she reached for her saber, thinking she must've been discovered by a stormtrooper. But she looked up to see Jannah, still trying to pull her out of the crowd.

"Over here," Jannah said, and Rey followed her away from the crowd.

"What happened?" Rey asked as they ran.

"One of the Pasaanians must've shot."

Jannah led her up the sandy hill and around a curve of rocks, and the crowd began to thin out. They ran up a rocky ledge that hung over the clearing where they'd been standing. Poe, Finn, Rose, Hux, and Mari were already standing there looking panicked and out of breath.

"Where's Ben?" Rey asked.

"I don't know," Rose replied, "the gunshot went off and all we could do was get away from the stampede of people."

"There!" Poe exclaimed, pointing down through the crowd of people.

Rey pushed forward to look over the edge of the rocky ledge where Poe was standing.

Beneath them citizens were fighting against stormtroopers. It was hard to see exactly what was going on through the crowd of people. It was the ugly bowl hat that helped Rey spot him, as it was being knocked off of Ben's head by the back end of a stormtrooper's blaster.

The weapon smacked Ben in the face and sent the hat flying as the second stormtrooper grabbed Ben from behind. He was surrounded by three of them. His glasses were already gone and they were trying to drag him away. Clearly they'd recognized who he was and wanted him to go with them.

Instinctively Rey grabbed her lightsaber and ignited it. 

"Ben!" She screamed out to him, reaching out to him in the force.

At the sound of her voice he looked up at her and their eyes met. She could feel his panic reverberating through the force, and her heartbeat sped up in her chest. A bruise was already blossoming on his cheek, when he was smacked in the back of the head with a blaster again. 

It was if the weapon had reached through their bond and hit her as well. Rey was suddenly overwhelmed with dizziness and pain in the same spot on her head in which Ben had been hit. She watched Ben crumple forward into the stormtroopers arms as he fell unconscious, and Rey fought to hold onto her own as her legs crumpled beneath her and she fell from the ledge.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is dedicated to @kyloreycosplay on Instagram!! I wanted to have this chapter posted for their birthday but I ended up adding a whole new scene so I’m a tiny bit late. Happy belated birthday, boo :*
> 
> TW: vehicle accident and depictions of pain

Rey came back to her senses as soon as her body hit the ground. Pain shot through the arm that she'd landed on, and she had to fight the feeling to get back to her feet. She'd lost her lightsaber in the fall, but a quick call out to the force sent it flying back to her hand. She shook off the pain from her shoulder and the back of her head and shoved her way through the crowd. 

She broke through and came face to face with a Stormtrooper. Rey raised her hand and with a quick flick of her wrist, flung the armoured individual to the side with the force. 

Further ahead she could see the three Stormtroopers carrying Ben's unconscious body to a speeder. They were shoving him onto the platform and Rey began to sprint in their direction.

Before she could get close, a pair of stormtroopers cut her off. She stopped in her tacks, slipping on the sand as they raised their blasters at her. Just as they fired she was able to ignite her saber and hold it in the way of their blasts. They hit the blue blade and bounced off into random directions.

At the revelation of her saber, they shot again. She deflected them smoothly, and swung her lightsaber low. She sliced through their armour at their thighs and they both fell to the ground. 

She looked past them at where she'd last seen the speeder. The three stormtroopers and Ben were now loaded onto the ship and driving away.

Rey raised her hand and reached out through the force in attempt to stop the vehicle. But before she could stop it she heard Jannah's voice call out from behind her. 

"Rey!" 

She turned to see two speeders heading in her direction. Finn, Jannah, and Rose on one, and Poe, Mari, and Hux on the other. 

Focusing on Jannah's, Rey ran and leapt into the air. She landed perfectly on the platform of Jannah's speeder, grabbing the other woman's hand to steady herself.

"Are you ok?" Jannah asked.

"Fine. They went that way," Rey replied, pointing in the direction of where she'd last seen the speeder. 

They sped off in the direction that she was pointing, with Poe's speeder following shortly behind them. But they didn't go unnoticed. It was only seconds before Finn noticed that they were being followed by a handful of other speeders with Stormtroopers on board.

Rey pulled Han's blaster from her holster, made sure she had a strong grip on the metal rail of the ship, and fired at the ships following them. The First Order speeders avoided them easily and fired back at them with twice as much ammunition. 

"Rey, where did the ship go?" Jannah called back to her.

Rey turned to face the other woman, and out to the sandy desert. She raised her finger and pointed to a jagged cliff not far off from where they were headed.

"They turned over there!" She yelled back to Jannah. Their speeder made a turn in the direction of where Rey had pointed, as she turned back to fire at the First Order Troopers.

Behind them Poe's speeder was zig zagging back and forth to avoid the stormtrooper's fire, and Rey was worried that they were going to crash. She tried to steady her aim, but they were so far off from the other ships that they were able to swerve away by the time Rey's blast reached them.

Jannah turned around the edge of the rocky cliff, and Rey made one last effort to shoot at the other speeder before they were cut off from view entirely. 

"We have to go back for Poe!" Finn exclaimed, "They're in trouble!"

"We're about to be in trouble," Jannah yelled back.

Ahead of them, heading quickly in their direction, was another speeder full of Stormtroopers with their weapons raised. Slightly beyond them was a much bigger First Order ship. Guards lined the outside, and Rey could just barely see the armoured men carrying Ben's unconscious body inside.

Rey raised her blaster to fire at the quickly approaching First Order speeder, but before she could fire they were hit. A flash of blaster light and then the front of their speeder burst into flames. 

The vehicle dove front first to the ground as Rey and the others were flung sideways. She landed hard on the ground and pieces of the metal speeder crashed down around of her, and she hit the rock wall with full force. The speeder skidded along the sand and crushed her body into the hard rock.

Rey's world went temporarily black, and then everything was pain. She tried to shrink away from it, but the large piece of metal had her body pinned and there was no escaping. She couldn't tell if anything was broken, all she knew was that she needed to get it off of her. 

"Rey!"

She could faintly hear someone calling for, but she could hardly make it out through the ringing in her ears. Finn maybe. 

All she could focus on was the pain, and the desperate need to get the machine off of her. She twisted her arm free and winced as it scraped against the jagged rocks. She planted a hand on the destroyed speeder and pushed it away with all of her strength. It moved, but barely. It gave her just enough relief to extend her chest fully and take a deep breath. 

"Rey!" 

The voice was right in front of her, but she still couldn't open her eyes. She knew the bright sun would feel like it was burning into her skull.

"I've got you."

It was Finn. She could tell. The world was slowly coming back into focus.

He pulled the wrecked vehicle off of her with ease.

"Are you two okay?" 

That was Jannah. Rey could identify her accent, so similar to her own.

"Rey is hurt. Where's Rose?"

"I'm here."

"Are you okay?"

"I-I think so."

"Rey, are you alright?" Finn asked her.

"I'm okay. It just hurts," she said, slowly opening her eyes to the bright sun. She let herself adjust to the light before pushing herself off of the rock wall and sitting up. Finn's comforting hands were there to make sure she didn't fall over.

"The Stormtroopers are coming, what should we do?" Rose called out.

With one hand bracing herself of the rocks, Rey slowly got to her feet. Finn was by her side to make sure she didn't fall, but it was less her limbs that were hurting, and more her abdomen. Like an organ had been crushed inside of her. 

By the time she was standing fully, the Stormtroopers were surrounding them. 

~*~*~*~*~

They'd been brought back to the large ship that Rey had seen the Stormtroopers bringing Ben into. They were left in a small room with silver metal walls, surrounded by a group of stormtroopers, with their hands cuffed. The group of troopers had forced them down to their knees while they waited for their leader to come deal with the Rebel scum.

In any other circumstance, Rey would be plotting her escape, but the pain in her abdomen had not gone away. Her muscles and limbs had subsided to a dull ache, but there was still a pain raging life fire inside of her belly. She fought back tears in attempt to appear strong and unfazed, but it was obvious by the way she was slightly hunched over with her teeth bared that something was wrong. 

She couldn't tell how long they'd been waiting when the General walked in. It had felt like hours. But when he did enter, Rey looked up at him and recognized him instantly.

"You," Rey hissed to the older man, anger building up inside of her.

"Miss Palpatine," General Pryde replied.

"You're supposed to be dead," Finn said.

Pryde grinned at the younger man, "And yet here I am."

"Why are you here?" Rose spat from behind Rey.

"I have to say," Pryde started, "When I heard that there was a group of rebels interfering with our mission, I hadn't expected to see Palpatine herself."

"Don't call me that," Rey said between gritted teeth, staring up at him with a furious glare.

The older man crouched down in front of her, "Something wrong? That crash look like it hurt."

"Back off, old man!" Rose yelled.

Pryde got back to his feet, completely ignoring Rose's comment. 

"Keep the Palpatine," Pryde said, then scanned the rest of the group, "and this one," he gestured to Finn, "Lock them up with the Skywalker boy. Execute the rest."

The combined pain and fury at Pryde built up in Rey's mind and she snapped. She felt pure dark side flowing through her body as she shut down her mental walls and let her instincts take over. 

Without having to move a muscle all of the Stormtroopers were thrown into the walls, and Rey got to her feet. She pulled her wrists apart and snapped the wrist cuffs like they were made of plastic. Pryde stared at her, completely unsurprised, as she extended her hand and pinned him to the closed door using the force.

"Where's Ben?" She demanded.

Pryde just smiled, "You deny the darkness inside of you, Miss Palpatine, but what you've just done wouldn't have been possible without it."

Rey swung her arm to the side and threw Pryde out of her way. She turned back to her friends and mentally unsnapped their wrist restraints. They quickly got to their feet, took their weapons back from the unconscious Stormtroopers, and followed Rey as she stormed out of the room.

The hall was empty. The walls and floor were a shiny black colour, just like they'd been on Starkiller Base. To the right Rey could see the exit, and a pair of Stormtroopers standing just outside the transparent door that could turn and see them at any second.

It looked to be a fairly small ship. To her left there were three doors spaced apart by a few feet on each side of the hall, and at the end - parallel to the entrance - was a set of metal double doors. Rey had a feeling that she'd found the right place.

Rey bit her lip to hold back the pain that was still raging inside of her, as she stormed down the hall to the set of double doors. She could almost feel the power of the force running through her veins as if it were flowing from her injury. Her friends wordlessly followed behind her. They were not about to question a woman who was fuelled by the power of the dark side of the force. 

Rey thrust her hand outward and the double doors flew open. Stormtroopers turned to see the four of them, and raised their weapons. But before either them or her friends could fire, she swept her arm to the side and knocked them all out of the way. 

Inside the room were rows and rows of restraints. Most of them were empty, but just off to the left Rey spotted Ben. Unlike when she'd seen him before, he was now conscious, and staring up at her in awe. 

"Ben," she said, unintentionally saying his name like an angry growl.

"Rey?" He looked at her with concern. 

She half-ran, half-limped over to him. With a wave of her hand his wrist restraints snapped.

"How?" Ben was dumbfounded at her use of the force.

"We have to go," She gasped. The pain in her abdomen seemed to just be increasing, and her legs were growing weaker. Like her body was going into shock, and all of her energy was evacuating her limbs and into her core.

"What happened?" He asked, wincing as if he could feel some of her pain. 

"We got into a crash," Jannah explained briefly.

"We need to go," Rey gasped out again.

"Okay, should we stay here and investigate?" Finn asked. 

"No," Rey basically growled. 

"All of the Stormtroopers are unconscious we need to figure out what they're doing here."

"They could wake up any second, more could come in!" Jannah objected, "We need to get out and find Poe and Hux. Last time we saw them they were being chased down by Stormtroopers."

"We can take them!"

Rey opened her mouth to protest, wanting everyone to stick together, but couldn't get any words out. Her arms flew to her stomach and she wrapped them around herself, as if holding it would make the pain less.

"We should stick together right now," Jannah said, speaking Rey's exact thoughts, "We don't have a proper plan."

Ben quickly bent down and picked Rey up in her arms, carrying her bridal style.

"Ben, no," she managed to get out, but couldn't physically protest him.

"We're leaving," he said, storming out of the room with her in his arms, "Jannah, Rose, back me up. Finn, you can stay if you want but we're leaving."

Rey never thought of herself as one to rely on someone else to take care of her, but the pain in her abdomen was unlike anything she'd felt before. She wouldn't have lasted much longer on her feet, and Ben's strong arms and chest was much more appealing than trying to limp her way back to the Falcon. She tried to let herself relax in his arms, hoping that maybe the pain would go away.

~*~*~*~*~

Ben could feel the pain inside her. It was faint when he'd come conscious after being restrained, but much stronger when she stormed into the room. It had taken him a minute to realize that she was running off of pure dark side energy. The same way he had after being shot by Chewie's bowcaster on Starkiller Base. She was drawing the pain from her injury and using it to power herself through. 

He didn't know what it was, but he knew he needed to get her to a doctor as soon as possible. So he swept her up in his arms and made for the exit. Jannah and Rose had blasters to cover for him if any Stormtroopers decided to attack, and Finn could help if he wanted. 

He carried her and he could feel her pain in his own abdomen, but he knew that it was nothing compared to what she was experiencing. He could ignore his body's protest if it meant getting her out with the least amount of suffering as possible.

As they were heading to the exit, Rose and Jannah's blasters were raised and ready to shoot at any Stormtrooper that came in their path. But instead of a group of white armoured individuals, the ship's main doors opened to reveal Poe, Hux, and Mari. The three looked up at the others in shock.

"Hux!" Rose exclaimed and ran to the red-headed man.

"What happened?" Poe asked.

"Rey is hurt, we need to go," Ben said, storming past them.

"The Falcon is outside," Poe told him, running past Ben to open up the ship for the group.

Outside of the doors all the Stormtroopers that had been guarding were laying on the ground. The other three rebels had taken care of them already, and they were all able to board the ship without any interruption. 

"Jannah, help me pilot so we can get out of here," Poe said.

The ship began to take off as Ben laid Rey down on the curved seat in the main hold as gently as possible. He got down on his knees and crouched over to be level with her face. One hand remained protectively on her stomach, and the other reached up to brush stay hairs out of her eyes.

Her skin was drenched in a cold sweat, her eyes clenched shut, and her teeth bared. Her hands flew to her abdomen and covered his, when another wave of pain shot through her body. Ben could feel it too, and he gasped at the sudden overwhelming feeling.

"Are you okay?" He asked through the pain.

"Be-" she began to say his name but couldn't finish. 

"It's okay, sweetheart, just relax. I'm right here," he said to her comfortingly, squeezing her hands with his, while he ran his hands through her now sweat-soaked hair with the other. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and kept himself close until he felt the pain begin to fade. Eventually she fell asleep from exhaustion. 

Without moving from his spot on the floor next to Rey, Ben looked to the others and asked, "What happened in the crash? How did she get hurt like this?"

"I didn't see exactly what happened," Rose started to say, "but when I got up she was pinned to the rocks by the ship. Finn helped her."

Ben looked up to Finn for further explanation, only now noticing that he'd decided to come with them instead of staying behind. 

"What happened?" Ben asked.

"I'm not sure," he said, "We got into the crash and she was stuck between the rocks and the ship. I helped her up and I could tell she was in pain, but then she started using the force." 

Ben sighed, not out of frustration with Finn, but of frustration for not being able to help more effectively. 

"How did you get caught?" Finn asked.

"What?" Ben asked.

Finn sighed, "Listen, over these past few months you've done well at proving yourself. But the First Order is back and you were caught. Pryde is back. How does that happen? It would be stupid of me not to be suspicious."

"I am not behind this," Ben said between gritted teeth. 

"It is my job as a General to make sure that's true," Finn replied, beginning to get angry, "What happened when they took you?" 

"Are you going to ask Hux too?" Ben spat back.

"Hux was with us the entire time!" Finn replied.

"What's with all the ye- oh no," Poe said as he ran down the all and entered the room to see the tension between Ben and Finn.

"I'm trying to figure out what went on when the Stormtroopers captured Ben. I need to know that the Resistance isn't in danger."

"And I'm telling you that nothing happened!" Ben's voice began to escalate to a yell.

"I would appreciate it if we could sit down and talk about what happened from start to finish, so I can be sure that my team is safe."

"You promised Rey that you'd trust me," Ben said as he stood up from the floor where he was crouched beside Rey to tower over the other man.

"I did, and I have. But I am your general and this is an order. You talk to me about what happened or you're gone from the Resistance."

"I can tell that tensions are high right now," Poe interrupted, trying to work his way in between the two men, "Maybe we should talk about this when Rey is ok. Maybe we'll all be a little less stressed when we know our friend is safe."

"I brought her back here," Ben said, his gaze locked on Finn, "You wanted to stay behind and I got her out, how do we know you aren't with the First Order?"

"I suggested me and Jannah stay behind, I wanted Rey to get help just as much as you did. And you know how I know I'm not with the First Order? You know how we all know I'm not with the First Order? Because I wasn't the Supreme Leader of it."

Ben snapped. His fist flew forward and slammed into Finn's face. The smaller man stumbled backwards and Poe reached out to steady him. Finn looked ready to fight back when Rose stepped in.

"ENOUGH!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, "I understand that our friend is hurt but that does not mean we turn on each other! Finn, go sit with Poe in the cockpit. Ben, you go cool off in the Captains Quarter's and Jannah, Hux, and I will watch Rey. Understood?"

"Yes, Rose," Finn sighed.

Ben stormed off without another word.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my friend @kyloreycosplay on Instagram for making this art based on the descriptions of Rey and Ben’s outfits in an earlier chapter. I love them sooooo much!!
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B_dRk3iAJao/?igshid=mmq1yeio8czf
> 
> TW: miscarriage, grief

The first thing that Rey noticed when she came conscious was the weight on her thighs. She couldn't place what it was, but she quickly identified that she was in a bed with a light sheet covering her. She extended her arms to feel around her, to figure out where she was. Her eyelids were still too heavy to open, and she feared a headache would come if she were to try. She extended her arms on either side and her fingers met thick hair on her right. 

Rey forced her eyes open to see who was next to her, and saw Ben with his head resting on the side of her bed. She should've guessed. His arms were folded underneath him and his back rose and fell gently as he slept. Her fingers stroked his hair above his forehead. He looked grumpy even as he slept.

Looking down to the weight on her thighs, she found Millicent curled up on top of her. The orange cat was also asleep, and a smile bloomed on Rey's face at the sight of the peaceful ball of fuzz. Whoever's idea it was the bring her the cat might've been her new best friend.

Finally she checked her surroundings. She was in the med ship, hidden from others by white curtains that hung around her bed. 

That's when the memories came back. The crash, somehow saving Ben, but everything after that was gone. She remembered the pain she'd felt in her abdomen, but all that remained was a bit of soreness. What had happened? And how long had she been asleep?

"Ben?" She said, reaching out with her hand to poke gently at his head. She hated to wake him, but she needed answers sooner rather than later.

Ben shot upright as if an alarm had gone off in his head. He looked around, panicked for a moment, before his eyes found her and he relaxed slightly.

"Are you okay?" He asked, reaching out for her hand and taking it in his.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to fall asleep. I was supposed to stay awake."

"How long have you been here for?" Rey asked.

"We went to Pasaana the day before yesterday, so maybe 40 something hours."

"I've been asleep for that long?"

Ben bit his lip and looked away from her, as if he was nervous to tell her something, "Yeah, about that."

"Ben," Rey squeezed his hand, "What happened?"

"How much do you remember?"

"The crash and being in a lot of pain, and somehow getting you out."

"Rey, after you were hurt you tuned in to the dark side of the force."

Rey's heart nearly stopped in her chest, "What do you mean?"

Ben sighed, finally meeting her eyes, "You need to talk to Dr. Connix. She already told me, but something happened in the crash. But you saved me using the dark side of the force. I could feel it. You were using your pain and fear to power yourself. But, listen, I don't want you to blame yourself-"

"I did that and I can't even remember it?" 

"You were in pain, Rey, and Pryde was going to kill Rose and Jannah. You used it but you did it to save us. And once you hear what Dr Connix has to say you'll understand that it wasn't your fault."

"I remember seeing Pryde. I thought it might be a dream. What did Dr Connix say?"

Ben bit his lip, and she could see tears forming in his eyes. 

"Ben!"

"The crash caused a miscarriage."

The world around Rey seemed to blur, "What?"

"You lost the baby. Because of the crash. That's why you were in so much pain."

Rey felt like her heart stopped in her chest. Even though Ben was still squeezing her hand she couldn't feel him anymore. She couldn't feel Millicent's weight on her lap, or hear what Ben was still saying to her. Staring off into the distance, she was completely lost in her own head.

She'd only known for two months. Initially it hadn't even been something she wanted. Rey knew that she would be better off waiting to have a child, she'd thought about that a lot towards the beginning. But since then she'd grown attached to the little life inside of her. The one she hadn't even named or known anything about besides that it was hers and Ben's.

But it was gone, and she felt like she hadn't done enough to protect it. What had she been thinking? Falling off of a ledge, getting into a blaster fight on a speeder, running straight into danger when the First Order had sent down their ships. Because of her actions, her baby was dead and her and Ben were going to suffer.

Finally Rey was able to get words out of her mouth, "I-"

But she was cut off when Poe poked his head through the curtains surrounding her bed.

"Good morning, Rey," he smiled at her.

"Poe, now's not-" Ben started to interrupt.

"We need to talk. Urgently," Poe interrupted, "More First Order ships are popping up around the galaxy and we need to get make a plan as soon as possible. We can't do it without you."

"Yeah, okay what do you need to talk about?" Rey said without hesitation, just wanting to get it over with.

"Great," Poe said and pulled back the curtain to reveal the whole gang. Rose, Finn, Hux, Jannah, and even BB8.

"Oh, okay." 

"Hey, Rey," Rose said, making her way to the side of Rey's bed that Ben wasn't sitting at, "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Rey replied, refusing to elaborate. She didn't want to talk about her feelings, she wanted to shut them out.

"We need to catch you up on what happened on Pasaana," Poe told them, "We've put some pieces together, but not enough."

"I don't remember much after the crash," Rey admitted, "Except for seeing General Pryde."

"Don't worry," Poe told her, "I got Finn, Rose, and Jannah's story."

That's when Rey looked up to Finn and noticed a massive bruise across his nose and under his eyes. She squinted at him, not remembering what happened for him to have received a bruise. It hadn't been there after the crash. Finn just avoided her gaze.

"We learned, thanks to Ben," Poe said, "That there's someone new in charge of the First Order. I don't think it's Pryde either. 

"They referred to their leader as the Emperor," Ben explained, "I overheard some Stormtrooper conversations after I came conscious."

"The Emperor, like Palpatine," Rey said.

"That's what we thought, but you killed him," Poe said.

"I did. I am certain of that."

"Well he was a clone before," Rose chimed in, "he could've had backup clones."

"I watched him disintegrate," Rey said, "I don't know how he could have survived, or transferred his life force or however that works. I can look into it in the Jedi texts."

"That would be really helpful if you could do that," Poe told her, "That could give us the answer we're looking for."

"But Pryde is also still alive," Hux added, "I was on the same ship as him, and I just barely escaped before it blew up. I don't know how he could have survived."

"Was Pryde force sensitive?" Rose asked, looking at Hux.

"No, but he was loyal to the Emperor. He joined us when we found out Palpatine was still alive because Palpatine instructed it. We were in no position to argue," Hux explained.

"He offered Pryde to us like a peace offering," Ben said.

"Just another mystery we have to figure out," Jannah shrugged.

"Anyways," Poe interrupted, getting the conversation back on track, "Thanks to Ben, we also learned that they came to Pasaana searching for force sensitives. We have no idea how they could tell, but they seemed to take a bunch of them."

"And that's what they've been doing on other planets," Rose said, "The planets we didn't get to visit. Taking random citizens. If what Ben heard was right then they're all force sensitive."

"But that doesn't make sense, there is no way to tell," Rey said, "And there can't be that many."

"We don't know," Finn shrugged.

"They knew Ben," Poe said.

"I was also the Supreme Leader for a whole year," Ben said, "So it probably wasn't a hard guess."

"They could just be guessing," Jannah said.

"What about after I passed out? What happened with the ships?"

Poe answered, "They all left around the same time we did. All of them just left. We didn't follow because we needed to get you back here, so we don't know where they went."

"So we don't really know anything for certain. Palpatine might be back, Pryde somehow is still alive, the First Order is searching for force sensitives for some reason, they seem to be able to tell who's force sensitive, and we just don't know where they went," Rey said. 

"That about sums it up," Poe nodded.

"Great," Rey replied sarcastically.

"We need to make a plan going forward," Finn added. 

"If we really think Palpatine is alive we should go back to Exegol," Rey said.

"I agree, but I think we should try to get more information before we run back there, right now we don't know what to expect," Poe replied.

"How do we plan on doing that?"

"According to reports, they've established a new base on Jakku," Rose said.

"We're going to Jakku?" Rey asked.

"That seems like the best place to start," Poe said, not entirely understanding the importance to Rey of going back to Jakku. 

"Me and Rey need to get new lightsabers first," Ben added, "That's a priority."

"How long will that take?" Poe asked.

"A few days probably," Ben replied.

"Can you leave tomorrow morning?"

Ben looked to Rey.

"Yeah, we can," Rey told him.

"So we have a plan. You two get your lightsabers tomorrow morning and as soon as you get back we head to Jakku," Poe said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Okay, can we get some space now," Ben asked.

"For sure," Poe said, "Thanks for talking with us. Let's head out, guys."

The group left, and Poe closed the curtains on his way out.

"You didn't... you didn't really say anything after I told you about the..." Ben trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

Rey bent forward to scoop Millicent up off of her lap and cradle the soft creature in her arms. Almost like a baby.

"I don't know what to say."

"We should go somewhere private."

~*~*~*~*~

Dr. Connix had discharged Rey after Ben sought her out. Everything was fine with Rey's body besides a few bruises, and Connix had just been keeping her until she woke up, so she could explain the situation.

Rey had remained silent through the doctor's rundown. She thought it was a cruel joke for her body to play. Not even so much as a broken bone or a crushed lung. Just a few bruises and her body had decided to reject her child. She could walk around like she was fine, and go to another planet in the morning to build a new lightsaber. Her ability to function felt like her body's way of reminding her that what happened was her fault. 

When the time came to stand up and walk back to her room, Rey couldn't find the energy. Her legs felt numb, even though Dr Connix had just explained that there was nothing wrong with them.

Ben had wasted no time in scooping her up in his arms and carrying her home. He was persistent that she'd feel better once they were alone, and Rey was sure he was right, but she felt no motivation to get there. She just rested her head against his chest, and she had when he'd carried her through her pain, and listened to the sound of his heartbeat.

He placed her gently on her bed and asked, "Do you want me to go?"

Rey only had the energy to shake her head. So he crawled onto the bed next to her, laying on his back so they were both staring blankly at the ceiling.

"When Connix told me, I... I couldn't believe it," Ben said, "I didn't think it was real... at first. The words just didn't process. I was terrified for you, but Connix said you'd be okay. I was still afraid until you woke up. I couldn't believe anything until I saw for myself that you were okay. All I could think was how grateful I was that the Force has saved you. For a moment I thought I'd lose you both. I feel like having you be okay should take away the sadness of losing our baby, but it hasn't."

"I'm sorry, Ben. If I'd just been more careful-"

In an instant Ben propped himself up on one arm and looked down at her.

"Rey of Jakku, you'd better not be about to blame yourself for this."

She looked at him, and his eyes were full of emotions that she could hardly read. She couldn't tell if their bond was failing her, or if she was just too tired to connect with him.

"I shouldn't have been so reckless, Ben. That's the truth."

"The First Order shot down your speeder, how is that your fault?"

"It's not but I got myself into that situation. I should have stayed in the Falcon and kept the baby safe. I should have known there was a risk of losing it."

Ben let out a deep sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Where watching his fingers run through his thick black hair would usually fill her stomach with butterflies, this time she felt nothing. She just laid on her back with her fists clenched at her sides.

"Rey, I know you. Maybe better than I know myself. If I'd tied you down in the Falcon and told you not to move, you would've slapped me to the Outer Rim. You don't sit by and do nothing while others are in danger. You won't."

She could tell that he was looking at her, but she avoided his gaze and stared hard at the ceiling. Mostly because she knew he was right.

"I'm not trying to say that you're reckless," he said, "I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, but you've always put others' lives before your own and you always will. Sometimes bad things happen, but that doesn't mean it's your fault. It just means that life is unpredictable."

He paused to wait for a reply, and when she didn't speak he continued, "It wasn't your fault. If you'd been careful how many lives might've been lost? You saved mine. Your own. Finn, Jannah, and Rose. Countless Pasaanians too. That's worth something."

Rey could feel tears building up behind her eyes. She knew he was right. Even if she'd known her baby was going to die, she still wouldn't have been able to sit by while the First Order terrorized Pasaana. If Ajan Kloss was thrown into danger at that second, she knew she'd do it again.

"I feel guilty," was what Rey managed to get out. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands to get rid of the tears before they could spill. "I couldn't protect everyone." 

Ben shifted slightly closer to her, but refrained from touching her, "I keep thinking about how I should've been there to keep you safe, and I should've been more careful not to get caught."

"If it's not my fault then it's not yours either," Rey said, finally meeting his eyes. He stared down at her like she was the entire galaxy.

"I still feel guilty. Angry too. Afraid. It's worse than anything I've ever felt."

Rey reached out and put her hand on his, "I feel it too."

Ben stared down at her in admiration before he laid down on his side and wrapped his arms around her. He rested his head on her shoulder and nuzzled into the crook of her neck.

"I don't know what to do," Rey said, wiping more tears out of her eyes, "Everything feels... empty."

"It does," Ben replied, finally letting his own tears spill. 

They laid together in silence. 

The world seemed to fade to grey as every positive emotion seemed to drain from their body, leaving them both wallowing in fear and grief. 

Eventually they fell asleep, but the lost life seemed to haunt them both even in their dreams.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I want to apologize for my absence from updating fics for the past few months. I actually got sick with COVID-19 and it was probably the worst experience of my life lol. I’m still moving really slowly so I apologize if my updates continue to be infrequent.
> 
> My message to y’all is to wear your damn masks and stay socially distant. You do not want to go through what I’ve just been through. Trust me on that. 
> 
> This is a pure smut chapter because I couldn’t wrap my head around anything plot related.

Ben would never get enough of Rey's kisses. Once her soft lips touched his, he never wanted to let her go. When she kissed him it was like he was being kissed for the first time. Every single time. 

She kissed him as the loading doors closed behind them on the Falcon. They'd just returned from getting new kyber crystals and making new lightsabers, when Rey grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down to her height for a kiss. 

Her new Kyber Crystal was yellow, and she'd used some parts from her staff to create a hilt. He thought the colour was reflective of her. In Jedi history, a yellow crystal was given to Jedi Sentinels, who would use their skills for both combat and knowledge. Although that history was no longer relevant, Ben thought that she would be an excellent Sentinel with all of the time she spent reading the Jedi Texts. 

Ben had chosen blue. Historically the blade of a Jedi Guardian, but he'd chosen it to remind himself of his place in the Force. To remind himself that he'd chosen the light. Although he'd chosen blue to remind himself of his place in the light, he also didn't want to ignore his history. As much as he regretted his choices, Kylo Ren had shaped much of his identity, so he'd chosen to create a crossguarded hilt like his old red saber had been. The blue to represent the light in him, and the crossguard to represent his path there. 

They'd been on Dantooine for 3 days, but their trip was over and they were to head back to Ajan Kloss. Poe was bound to be wondering what was taking them so long. 

Their trip had distracted them from the more overwhelming problem. Their loss. Dantoonie had served as an effective distraction from their grief, but returning to Ajan Kloss would mean confronting that darkness again. Fear loomed over them like a shadow, and even though they could both sense it they'd chosen to completely indulge themselves in the distraction. 

Ben broke away from the kiss only to wrap his arms around her waist and pick her up. She squeaked in surprise and wrapped her arms around his neck. He walked her into the main hold while she peppered kisses along his jaw and cheeks. 

He sat down on the padded bench, putting her on his lap, and she pulled him in for another kiss. 

Even a few months after their first kiss, he still had a hard time believing that she wanted to kiss him. Not for his body, not because he was the Supreme Leader, and not because he was related to the great Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, and Anakin Skywalker. Rey kissed him because he wanted to kiss Ben. He felt more worth in a peck on the lips from her than he did in his entire previous 30 years of life. 

But in the back of his mind he worried how long it would last. He had been the father of her child. A child that would never be born. His brain kept reminding him that she didn't need him anymore. She didn't have any moral obligation to stay with him, and the fear that she would move on without him lingered in the dark parts of his mind. So every time she touched him, he treated it as though it might be the last. He would respect her choice to move on, but he knew that he'd never stop loving her for as long as he was alive, and even after he was one with the force. 

His hands made their way up to her back and pulled her in closer to him. Everything about Rey felt perfect against him. The way she pressed herself against his chest and moulded to his touch made him feel like they shared the same mind. She knew exactly where to touch to make butterflies flutter in his stomach. All it took was looking in her eyes to put his mind at peace, and he was sure that if she chose to stay with him he'd never suffer again. 

Rey laced her fingers into the hair on the back of his head and ran her tongue along his bottom lip. He didn't hesitate to let her deepen the kiss, and moaned into her mouth at the feeling. Ben could feel her smiling into the kiss at his sounds, and tugged harder on his hair to incite another.

Ben could feel himself growing hard underneath her, as he slid his hands down to her hips and squeezed her ass. She gasped at his touch and it was his turn to smile into their kiss.

She broke away from the kiss to gasp for breath, "Ben," she moaned. He could feel her lips moving against her own, and he wanted desperately to close the gap.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking-" she started to say, before grinding down hard on his crotch.

He started to be anxious about what she was saying, but a deep moan escaped from the back of his throat at the feeling of her grinding against him, and he gripped her hips and thrusted up against her instinctively. 

"I'm sorry," he gasped embarrassingly, "You feel so good."

"That's kind of what I wanted to ask," Rey said, releasing her hold on his hair and moving her hands to rest on his chest.

"What?"

"About..." Rey hesitated and bit her bottom lip, "That. Sex, and stuff."

"What about it," Ben asked, his heart hammering in his chest. Why would she ask? 

"Do you want to?"

"Are you offering? I didn't... I didn't think you wanted to do that."

"I mean- do you want to? With me?"

"Of course," he confessed. Of course he thought about it all the time. Over the past few days he'd thought about it every time she touched him. His fear of losing her had him wanting to do everything he could while she was still around. But he respected her, and wouldn't push something she didn't want. 

"When?"

"What are you trying to ask?" 

"It's just that whenever we do this, I feel like you're going to expect it. But I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm nervous."

"I won't make you do anything you don't want to do."

"But... I think I might want it," Rey bit her lip again and looked at the ground in embarrassment, "I really want to, but I'm scared."

Ben's head spun in confusion, "You'd want to do that... with me?"

Rey laughed, "Who else?"

Ben smiled at her, but his dark thoughts still lingered in the back of his mind, "I don't know. We can try, if you want. Maybe just start small.” 

"I'd like that, but..."

"But what?" Ben asked, anxiety once again overwhelming him. 

"I've never done it before."

"That's okay."

"I don't even know what to do. I just know that when I kiss you I get warm inside and I want to feel you everywhere."

Ben's heart fluttered in his chest. She was still feeling for him, "Do you have any idea how it works?"

"Sort of."

"Okay, you don't have to explain. We can try a little bit... and if you're uncomfortable at any point we can stop. But only if you want to."

"I want to," Rey smiled and met his eyes again.

"Not here," Ben smiled back at her - pushing away his internal fears - then scooped her up. She squealed and flung her arms around his neck and held on as he walked her to the Captain's quarters.

They entered the room and she reached around him to hit the door close button as he walked her over to the bed. He set her down gently on the soft, red sheets. 

"Is there anything you want to know? You can stop at any time." 

Rey blushed, "Um, I don't think so."

"You can stop to ask me at anytime," He said as he sat down on the bed next to her and began to lean in for a kiss. He was overwhelmed with excitement. Both incredibly grateful that she wanted to be with him physically, and scared that she would change her mind and realize she was making a mistake. But he didn't want to doubt what she wanted. He knew she could make up her own mind, but he knew that if she regretted it later he would be overwhelmed with guilt. He planned on starting small, and not diving into it right away, just in case she decided she didn’t want to go all the way. 

"Well," Rey said, pressing her fingers to his lips, "I kind of want to know how you learned it."

It was Ben's turn to blush, "I... I have a little bit of experience."

"With someone else?" Rey asked, sitting up on the bed.

"3 other times, with different people."

"Three?" She gasped.

"It was-" Ben stuttered, now nervous that his experience would turn her off of wanting to be with him, "They were all mistakes. I wish I hadn't."

"Who were they?"

"All from the First Order," Ben told her, "Two women and one man. I thought that sleeping with them would help me feel validated, make me feel better about myself. They didn't, so I gave up having sex with anyone."

"Oh," Rey said, "I don't know how many is normal for a person, so I'm not sure how to feel."

"How do you feel?"

"Weird. That I'm not the only one. I just figured it was something you do with people you really love. Someone you're willing to have a baby with," she explained.

"I used protection every time," Ben told her, "So having a baby was never something I considered. And I didn't care about them at all. I just used them to fill up the hole in my life. I realized that that wasn't the solution. It really was just a big mistake."

"You don't want to sleep with me just to fill an emotional hole, right?" Rey asked tentatively.

"Of course not!" Ben said, taking both of her hands in his, "I want to be with you because... because I love you."

"Then I'm not worried about the others," she said, "It was in the past. We've all done things we regret."

"I just need to make sure you know a few things."

"Yes?"

"You know that sex doesn't just get people pregnant right?" He smiled, "People do it for other reasons. And it doesn't always result in pregnancy."

Rey laughed, "Yes I know that."

"Ok because you seemed pretty fixed on the baby thing when I told you about the others."

Rey swatted playfully at his face while she laughed, "I know, Ben. I just didn't know what the nature of the relationship had to be. But now I get it."

"Okay, good." Ben said, then sighed. He realized that there was one more thing they needed to go over before he let himself be with her, "I need to ask you one more thing before we go any further." 

"What is it?" She asked, her smile dropping off of her face when she noticed the anxiety behind his words. 

"Will you regret doing this... with me?"

"Why would I regret it."

"Well I..." Ben wasn't sure how to explain how he'd been feeling, but decided to be completely honest about all of his thoughts. For her sake, "I've been worried for the past few days. Since we lost the baby. You don't exactly need me anymore. You don't need me to be the dad, and I've been assuming that you'll leave me behind since you don't need me. This had kind of taken me by surprise. I didn't think you'd want to do this."

"Ben, what are you talking about?" She exclaimed, "Not having a child doesn't change anything. I'm with you. Forever."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

Ben smiled at her and she returned the expression. 

"You're the first person I've loved," he admitted.

"Me too."

He leaned in to kiss her again, and she didn't stop him.

His lips were soft and gentle against hers, and he wrapped one hand around the back of her neck to pull her close. 

They kissed slowly and deeply for a few minutes, just feeling each other. Letting love and gratitude flow through their bond. But then Ben broke away.

"Can I start taking off your clothes?" He asked.

Rey nodded in response.

“We’re just going to focus on you today. Okay, sweetheart?”

Rey nodded again.

With gentle fingers, he unclasped her belt, removed it from her waist, and tossed it to the floor. She watched him and his delicate movements as he reached to remove her obi. 

"Could..." she started to say nervously, "Could you take something off too? I don't want to be naked alone."

"Of course," Ben said, eagerly standing from his place on the bed and shrugging off his coat. He grabbed the bottom of his light grey shirt and pulled it over his head, leaving him bare from the waist up.

His whole body was muscle and Rey gaped at the sight of him, despite having seen him shirtless countless times over the previous months. He took his training seriously, and it was evident in the hard lines that outlined his muscles. 

Rey had always refrained from touching him when he'd been shirtless in front of her before - to be respectful - but when he sat back down in his place on the bed she reached out to run her fingers down his chest and abs. 

Her reaction to his body made him feel slightly shy. He wasn't used to people being impressed by him. When he was part of the First Order, he was constantly asked why he wasn't doing enough, and it was a relief to be around someone who thought he was more than that. But he rejected the thoughts from his past, and tried to focus exclusively on being with Rey. 

Her hands were hot on his skin, and made him crave more of her. As she was feeling him, Ben reached forward and removed her grey tabards, tossing them to the floor. 

"Do I have to take my arm wraps off?" Rey asked suddenly, looking up at Ben.

"Not if you don't want to."

"Ok, can I leave them on?"

"Of course. Can I take off your shirt now?" He asked, and she nodded in response. He grabbed her white shirt from the bottom and tugged it over her shoulders and head, as she raised her arms to help him with the process. 

Rey had always changed without him around. It was just her personal preference. While he made an effort to go about life - especially sleeping - with as little clothes as possible, she much preferred to keep herself covered. That included being alone when she changed between outfits. Ben had never seen her in anything less than an undershirt and pants. He could tell she was nervous when he tossed her shirt to the floor.

"Are you ok?" He asked, holding his gaze on her face as she wrapped her arms around her chest.

"Yeah," she replied, "I've never been this exposed to someone before."

"Do you want to keep going?"

"Yeah," she said and lowered her arms from around her body.

"Just remember that you can stop me at any time."

The only thing covering her chest was her breast wrap. The same type of material that was wrapped around her arms. She still looked nervous about being so exposed.

Instead of removing the wrap, Ben grabbed her by the hips and pulled her up into his lap. He gently pressed his lips to hers and cupped her face in his hand. He wanted her to be completely relaxed before he went any further. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him back. Her hands rested gently on either side of his neck, and the feeling of her tiny body wrapped around him made Ben's heart pound in his chest. She was there, she was alive, and she wanted him.

Ben broke away from the kiss and moved his lips down to her neck. His experience with sex was minimal, but if he'd learned anything from his time in the First Order, it was how to get someone to melt beneath him. He wrapped his lips around a small patch of her skin just below her jaw and began to suck. Rey immediately let out a loud moan and slapped a hand over her mouth in surprise. 

Ben took his lips off her skin for a quick second to whisper, "good girl," before returning to his spot on her neck. Massaging her skin with his tongue.

Rey's hands moved from his neck to his shoulders, holding him like she was anchored to him. Ben could tell that he'd distracted her from the anxiety of being half naked in front of him, but he continued to plant kisses along her neck for her pleasure. Each spot incited a new moan, and Ben was hooked on her sounds. 

Slowly he moved his hands around her back to find here her breast wrap was tucked in. She didn't stop him when he broke away from her neck to unravel the piece of fabric. Once he was finished with it, he tossed to fabric to the floor and helped lay her down on the bed.

She was bare chested before him, and Ben couldn't help but stare. 

"Rey, you're so beautiful," he said, unable to remove his eyes from her soft flesh.

"Thank you," Rey choked out in response, "I'm nervous."

"What about?" He asked, even though he was sure he knew.

"I've never been naked in front of someone before."

"If you need to put your shirt back on I won't mind."

"No, I want to do this."

"Then I'll help you relax," Ben said as he dipped his head down to her bare chest and wrapped his lips around one of her nipples.

She gasped in surprise at the feeling. Rey hadn't been aware of the pleasure that came from his tongue on her breast, she'd never even considered it. But his tongue worked like magic on her, and her head immediately fell back in pleasure and relaxation. He hummed into her flesh at the feeling of her letting go of the tension, and grabbed her opposite breast with his other hand to massage gently. 

Rey arched her back to him, eager to feel more of his tongue on her. Ben let his teeth gently scrape against her nipples and she gasped at the feeling against her skin. She wrapped her legs around his chest where he was hunched over her, and dug her fingers into his hair. She pushed his face into her chest as if to ask for more. 

So Ben nipped the skin around her nipple. Rey bucked against him and yelled his name as if he was standing across the room. 

He had to lift his mouth from her breast to look up at her, and make sure she was ok. 

"Yes, I'm sorry. That just felt good."

"It's a good thing we're alone then," Ben laughed, then took her opposite breast into his mouth. He gave it the same treatment while Rey wriggled and moaned beneath him.

He broke away from her breast and looked down at her pants, "Can I take these off?"

Rey nodded.

His fingers tucked under the elastic of her pants and he tugged them over her hips, and then down her thighs to reveal her panties underneath. She squirmed nervously beneath his touch.

"You can stop me at any time," he reminded her, then hooked his fingers around her panties and slowly dragged them down. 

His fingers found her entrance, and he gently ran his fingers down her lips. She squeaked and twitched in response to his touch.

"Is this okay?" Ben asked.

"Feels good," Rey replied. 

"I'm going to try something else now," he told her. 

Slowly he slipped his index finger in between her folds. He felt her body tense up in response to his digit inside of her.

"Feels good?" He asked. All Rey could do was moan in response, and Ben smiled. 

He curled his finger inside of her, which was met with another moan and she arched her back off of the bed.

"Ben!" She gasped.

"Can you take another?" He asked.

"Another?"

Ben decided to show her. He pulled his index finger out, and she whimpered at the loss. As he slid back inside he added his middle finger. Her breath hitched as she stretched around him. Slowly he began to pump his fingers, while curling them inside. Her hands grasped at the red sheets beneath her and her hips thrust upwards. With his free hand he pinned her down to prevent her from squirming beneath him. 

"Ben, that feels so good," she moaned.

"I know, sweetheart," he said while increasing his pace. 

Continuing to pump her with his fingers, he dipped his head down to plant a kiss on her clit. Rey thrust forward at the feeling and gasped loud enough that it echoed around the room.

"More!" She moaned. 

Before he went back down on her, he slipped a third finger into her wet pussy, and his cock twitched in his pants when she gasped his name. 

He left a few wet kisses on her inner thigh and enjoyed her frustrated moans. Gradually he moved down, closer to her centre. Finally when he was at her clit he gently swiped his tongue across her bud and she thrust up against his face again. 

He wrapped his lips around her and began to massage her clit with his tongue, while still pumping her with his fingers. 

Her hands flew to his head and tangled in his thick hair. He moaned against her clit as he felt her fingers twitched in pleasure, and she wrapped her legs around his shoulders.

"Ah, Ben!" She gasped, "I- fuck. Don't stop."

Her legs squeezed tighter and tighter around his shoulders, and he could tell that she was getting close. 

He kept his pace until she gasped his name, her back arched off the bed, her fingers dug into his scalp, and her legs tightened even further around his shoulders. Then he slowed his pace and she came down from the feeling, and her body relaxed around him. 

Slowly he pulled his fingers out from inside her and wiped her wetness off of his lips. 

"Did you enjoy that?" He asked, crawling into top of her to leave gentle kisses along her neck.

"Perfect," she told him, "Should I do you next?"

"Someday, but not right now," Ben said, "I think that's enough for today."

"Okay. I’m tired anyways.”

He smiled, and leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead, “I think that's a good start.” 

"Okay," Rey said, laying back down on the pillow. 

Ben laid down in the bed next to her, wrapped an arm around her bare chest, closed his eyes, mand let the sound of their breathing lull them both to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! I promise you I haven't abandoned this fic! Life is still chaotic with COVID complications and getting back to work and school. So I'm giving you a super short update here just for the sake of you getting something.  
> As you probably know I started this fic to be a one shot and decided to add more chapters because of the positive reaction is got on AO3. I was kind of writing with no plan in mind, and I wasn't entirely sure where it was going. I've spent a lot of time recently figuring out where I want it to go and because of that I had to make some changes to earlier chapters. I finished updating all of the chapters in November of 2020 so if you started reading this story before then I just want you to be aware of those changes. They're not so much that you'll have to go back and re-read it, but you can if you want to.

"How are you feeling?" Ben said, reaching over to where Rey's hand sat on the console, and giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

"Nervous," Rey admitted, "I thought we dealt with the First Order when I killed Palpatine."

"Yeah, but I was more talking about... you know."

"Oh," she looked down at where his hand rested on hers, "I'm trying not to think about it."

"We should try to find some time to talk about it," Ben said, "It's not good to keep those things locked up."

"That would be a wonderful idea," Rey smiled up at him, "Let's go meet the others. They'll be wondering what took us so long."

Ben let Rey lead her out of the cockpit and down to the main hold. When they opened the loading doors they were surprised to see everyone sitting at the foot of the Falcon, all prepared to go on a trip to Jakku. As soon as the door touched the ground they were boarding the ship.

"Wow, you guys are really ready to go right away," Ben commented.

"We've been ready to go since yesterday," Jannah told them.

"You guys took a lot longer than we expected," Poe said.

"We said 2 to 3 days."

"And you took 3," Poe said, and Rey rolled her eyes at him. "We've left Commander Connix in charge, everything is ready to go. We shouldn't waste anymore time."

"How are you doing, peanut?" Finn asked as he climbed on board the ship. Rey noticed that the bruise that had been on his face the last time she'd seen him had faded significantly.

"Okay," Rey told him, "The trip helped."

"I'm glad," Finn said as he leaned in for a quick hug.

"Me and Finn will pilot," Poe announced, "Seems like Rey and Ben could use a break."

"Thanks, guys!" Rey said.

"I think we could use a rest," Ben smiled and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. Then joined the others in the main hold.

"How was everything while we were gone?" Ben asked.

"Not much happened," Rose told him, "The ship on Jakku hasn't moved. It's just been sitting there. Like it's waiting for something."

"That's odd," Rey commented, "This mission should tell us more about their plan."

"I really hope so," Rose replied.

~*~*~*~*~

Because the location of the First Order ship was so close to Niima Outpost, where Rey had stolen the Millennium Falcon from over a year prior, Rey had told Poe to land in a hidden spot where no one would spot the technically stolen ship. Which meant they had a bit of a walk before they could get to the Outpost.

Rey hadn't been looking forward to returning to Jakku, and the long hike only brought back more unpleasant memories. But Ben's firm hand on hers kept her grounded in reality, and for that she was grateful.

"I won't leave your side," Ben said to her as they walked through the sand.

"What?" Rey asked.

"I could feel your anxiety through the bond. I won't leave you. Nothing here can hurt you anymore. You've grown. Found your strength." 

"Yeah," Rey said as they approached the Outpost and the swarm of people who didn't seem to care that the group was approaching them, "I suppose you're right." 

"The ship should be just south of here," Poe told everyone, "So I guess the plan is to head straight through, blend in." 

"I'd like to make a stop on my own, if that's alright," Rey told him.

"Yeah, that's fine. Just be quick about it and meet us down south when you're done."

"I'm taking Ben with me," Rey told him.

"I assumed no less. Be safe, and call for help if you need it," Poe smiled as he held up his radio and waved it back and forth.

"Where are we going?" Ben asked.

Rey looked up at him, gave him a sad smile, and replied, "home."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 updates in 2 days?? What is this?? I’ve actually been finding a lot of time to write lately so maybe I can get back to longer chapters soon!

Rey felt like she needed to take a wide route around Niima Outpost because, even though she had to walk right through it to get to her old AT-AT home, she did not want to run the risk of running into Unkar Plutt or any of her old rivals from her 14 years alone on Jakku. Something deep inside her gut wanted to see him again, to remind herself that while she has grown he has remained the same. That she was now a powerful force user while he was still a selfish, abusive creature who took advantage of others' desperate situations for a living. Part of her even wanted to see him again so she could slash him in half with her new lightsaber. It was that last thought that had her make the decision to avoid the Outpost as best as possible. While she knew she had control over herself enough to not slash him in half, she didn't need to be overwhelmed with those types of negative emotions. 

Ben was happily following alongside her, holding her hand tightly in his own. She could feel his concern for her through the bond, but she'd was trying not to acknowledge it. He had nothing to be concerned about, and she didn't want to give him the impression that she was too emotionally fragile for this mission. Not that he'd ever try to stop her - he knew better than that - but if he thought she was struggling he wouldn't be able to focus himself entirely on their mission, and they couldn't afford that in such a dire situation. 

Rey herself was not in distress at the idea of being back on Jakku, but she wasn't a fan of it either. She had been yanked so suddenly from her home on the day she'd met Finn that she hadn't had time to give the place a proper goodbye. Ordinarily she wouldn't have gone out of her way to go back, but since she was there anyways she thought it might be useful to pick up some of her old things. She knew her parents were gone so there was no reason to get re-attached to the place. 

After 15 minutes of walking, they arrived. Her AT-AT was just as she remembered it, and she felt a lonely pan gun her chest the nearer they came to the old scrap of metal. 

"This was your home?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, why?" Rey replied and she ducked down into the entrance at the belly of the AT-AT.

Ben lingered outside for a moment, before following her into the cramped space.

Everything was exactly how she'd left it. Rey was surprised that no one seemed to have come by and scavenged her old belongings. Now that she'd known what it was like to live in semi-luxury, she knew it was all junk, but it could sell pretty decently at the Outpost. Perhaps no one had noticed that she was gone. 

"Wow," Ben said as he looked around the room. 

Rey wandered her old space, looking for things she might need back on Ajan Kloss. A year prior these had all seemed like necessities for her survival, but upon scanning the entire space she realized there was nothing she needed. Nothing except for one.

Her old doll sat on the floor in front of her wall of tally marks. She reached down and picked it up with delicate hands, and brushed off the sand and dust that had gathered on it from disuse. That was all she needed, and it was only for sentimental value. 

"I think this is all I need," She said, "Not really for me, but when we do actually have a baby. It will be nice to give it something that meant a lot to me as a child."

She looked up at Ben to find him staring at her wall of tally marks. There were more there than either of them could really count, and Rey had found that she'd forgotten the number that she'd used to ever so carefully count every single day. 

"Is this-"

"The days since my parents left," Rey clarified, "I added a new one every day for 14 years."

There was silence as Ben reached out and ran his fingers along the etches in the metal.

"They don't matter anymore. I know my parents are gone. I know they didn't abandon me. Well, not really."

Finally Ben looked back at her. There was a deep sadness in his eyes and suddenly she was overwhelmed with the feeling of it through their bond.

"I'll never let you be alone again," he told her, "Every day of your life you'll wake up and be with me. I promise. You'll never be counting the days for my return."

Rey reached up to him and ran her fingers along his cheek before cupping his face in her hand, "I know, Ben."

"I love you," he said before bending down to kiss her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her back to pull her in closer to him. There was passion and love and determination in his kiss, and when he finally broke away Rey knew she was home. Home wasn't a planet or a spot. It wasn't her old AT-AT and it wasn't on Ajan Kloss. It was there, with Ben, standing in his arms. Wherever he was, she would be too.

"I love you too," she said to him.

They stood in silence for a few moments, enjoying the feeling of just being with each other, before Ben finally spoke up.

"We should go meet up with Poe and the others, they're probably waiting for us."


End file.
